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Thanks for sharing. I have had a life full of ups and downs, highs and lows. Sometimes it was so disappointing that I felt the Christian life is a hoax and that God wasnt really involved in my life. But when I look back I can see how can has used even all those mistakes. Realizing that the Christian life was never supposed to be lived as a lonely wolf, I prayed that God would let me meet believers who had a Christian life according to the bible that actually worked in a practical way. By unbelievable und statistically unlikely circumstances, I now have these in my life. The key for me was to live in covenant not only with God, but also with other believers, that I am accountable to and that I live in light with, being brutally honest about my life, not hiding anymore. This was what actually helped me. And all those mistakes I did inthe past now works out for good to me, because now it is just very difficult for me to judge another human being. I appreciate that you in an honest way share about your life. -googlelight