[Trapped]

Originally Posted by sinnersavedbygrace

But after a few months, personally I felt that many things were done forcibly in the LC. Everyone was required to speak, and only from the outlines. As young ones we had to force ourselves to parrot something from what we read just for the sake of escaping condemning words from the elder ones. When I failed to perform according to their norms, there would be a sigh of "O Lord Jesus" from somewhere in the crowd and it would hurt me.

I know a brother who grew up being forced to speak in the meetings, even as a young person. It left a lasting mark on him to have to stand up in a room of adults, stutter out something that sounded spiritual to try to squeeze an "amen" out of those adults (but as a kid it was like "um, this morning I lost my watch and I prayed and then I found it, so the Lord helped me find my watch"), and then sit down so many times feeling condemned by the relative silence when he reasonably couldn't perform the way they wanted him to. He's no longer in the church, and come to find out that "in the world" he's quite a skilled boss, leader, and speaker. His natural gifts weren't valued in the church because they just wanted him to parrot what they wanted to hear.

The "O Lord Jesus" sigh to express dissatisfaction or disgust is a form of taking God's name in vain. Can you imagine - the name of the One in whom we have no condemnation is used in the local churches to express condemnation! I distinctly recall myself being in the car with my mom as a kid, and she would be repeatedly calling on the Lord under her breath as if I wasn't in the car. I can't tell you how many times I would look over at her trying to figure out if I had done something wrong and she was just "turning to her spirit" rather than just talking to me about it.

Originally Posted by sinnersavedbygrace

I began feeling that the the so called co-workers and responsible brothers didn't really care for people personally, but they just needed to increase numbers. When new people came in they would "love-bomb" them very much and once they are established in the practices of the group and come regularly, they would treat them like trash.

This happens in the U.S. also. They care for the group, the numbers, the increase. But not what the group, numbers, and increase is made of - the people.

Originally Posted by sinnersavedbygrace

Slowly I felt like I was doing things out of fear of losing support rather than real love for the Lord. When I was 22 I was forcibly sent to the Full time Training. Though I cannot say I was fully against going there, the fear of being left out of the flock and the thought of being humiliated because I disobeyed the brothers helped me to go there. After two months into the training, I started questioning in my mind about the content of the training. We read only Witness Lee, only his footnotes, and a little of Watchman Nee's writings in between. Many times they would emphasize that the training was not a seminary.. there was a motto we needed to memorize.

It always surprises me how many college graduates see the required reading list of the training (Lee, Lee, Lee, Lee, Nee, Lee, Lee, etc) and still dive in head first.

Originally Posted by sinnersavedbygrace

Anyway after completing one year, I decided to call it quits. I couldn't adjust with the regulations there, it all felt meaningless. Of course, my character and discipline was regulated there, but it didn't bring me any closer to Jesus. He was not at all the Lord of my personal life.

It also amazes me that the co-workers, FTT trainers, et al, think that they can engineer an environment to turn people to the Lord. The regulations are designed to be "too much" so that the trainees won't be able to adhere to them all and will be forced to "turn to the Lord" to make it.

The result isn't that the trainees gain the Lord. The result is that many of them end up on anxiety/depression medication or with mental health issues. Only God knows what each of us needs to turn to Him, but the co-workers think there is "no better place" than the place they've built to break you. It's crazy.

Originally Posted by sinnersavedbygrace

Years went by. I attended meetings, I served people people physically, but I stopped "functioning" according to their standards. I stopped "pray-reading" outlines. I started questioning the attitude of LC people towards other genuine believers. I also started question the group's allegiance to one person Witness Lee. Why not accept the words of other men of God who gave their lives for the gospel? If there was to be a great Recovery to consummate this age to be carried out through the preaching of one man, wouldn't there be any hint of this in the Bible? - Whenever I took up these matters to my family, I would be ridiculed and they would say that I am in the flesh and I need to turn to the spirit.

This is God working in you. Opening your eyes. The same thing happened to me, seemingly out of nowhere. All of a sudden one day I thought, "how on earth can we truthfully say we are not a denomination when everything we do is worse than the denominations we have given a bad rap to?" Once the truth filtered through on that issue, then every other thing I had been told became fair game to question, and it all started crumbling down.

Originally Posted by sinnersavedbygrace

That is when I found this website. It was an eye-opener to me to see many brothers and sisters who have come out of this group. Now I have completely stopped meeting with the LC even though my wife is a faithful follower of the LC. She loves the Lord but since she has not known anyone outside the LC, she religiously follows it. My desire is to follow the Lord and live holy life. I want to serve others and be a living example. I have many flaws, but I know my God is stronger than any problem I have. I don't meet with the LC anymore. The Lord has led me to a Christian group with whom I meet online.

Sorry for my flaws in composing my testimony and my imperfect language. I admit that I am still an ungrown person in Christ. But I know that the Lord has mercy on me.

I'm sure it must be very difficult for you to have left but your wife to still be in. Your desire - to follow the Lord and live a holy life - is the best testimony to her in this situation. God is walking beside you in all this. Keep putting it in His hands.