Quote:
Originally Posted by Nell
There were times when all I could do was sit in the meetings and cry. When someone would be nice to me, that made me cry, too. Sometimes all the verses and all the “spiritual truths” that exist, and all the spiritualizing in the world just doesn’t help. Sermonizing doesn’t help. Even though the people you once trusted have betrayed you, it seems like God is the one who betrayed you. In your heart, you know he didn’t betray you, but it sure seems like he did. It seems he’s nowhere to be found.
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I have had enough people in the church turn their backs to me that someone being nice to me was an actual startling event, so I understand!
Your observation that "it seems like God is the one who betrayed you" is what makes the LC issues such a huge deal. Because the effects of their shunning actions are SO MUCH deeper than outside the church because of the way it affects your view of God. It's so difficult to mentally divorce the actions of saints in the church from the actions of God. And for some reason it is a hard concept for me to wrap my head around that God might also grieve with me and agree that the actions of the saints are egregious.
I've also been wrestling this week a lot with feeling like God is nowhere to be found. I listen to the song that God is a waymaker and a light in the darkness, and I wonder "where is the way He is making?" and "why do I feel I'm in the dark for so long?" Sometimes it would be so nice if God were more tangible of a being.