Hi everyone, this is this original poster. Just wanted to thank you all for your responses. My husband and I are in contact with a few people who have left the LC and are open to us, and it's been helpful having conversations with them about our concerns. But I'm still pretty confused and overwhelmed by everything.
First off, I know I need to be assertive and grow a backbone if we're going to leave. That's something I struggle with because I'm a people-pleaser and I like to avoid conflict. I don't think the teaching of having to always submit to authority has helped that tendency, but it's something I'm working on. Thankfully my husband is a lot better in the assertiveness department and he definitely balances me out.
At the same time that I realize I don't have to apologize for our life choices, there are a small handful of saints in the LC who are extremely dear to my husband and me, and we wish we could avoid hurting them and losing their friendship if we leave.
My husband and I are at a point where we both see errors in Lee's teaching and are disappointed by the continual hiding of the LC history. My husband, who did not grow up in the LC as I did, has always been bothered by the unofficial Sunday uniform and by things people in the LC do/ways they behave that are religious, while saying they're not a religious organization. When he used to bring these things up to me, I would get really uncomfortable and even scared he would be judged for talking that way. But I see it all so clearly now that he's been right all along.
We've been avoiding meetings lately, only going on our days to serve, and feel that it will be really difficult, if not impossible, for us to enjoy meetings that are centered around the ministry again. We've had a hard time praying in the usual LC way and I haven't been able to read anything in the ministry without feeling cringey and uncomfortable.
One of my concerns is finding fellowship outside the LC. My husband grew up without any religious background, but I'm a second-gen church kid and this is all I've really ever known. I'm ashamed to say I've judged believers outside the LC for years of my life and only now do I realize how wrong I've been.
This forum, Jane Anderson's book, and the My Opinions Free guy on Youtube have been huge helps to me in shifting some of the mentalities I've had about life, the Body of Christ, and meeting outside the LC, but I do still worry about "fitting in" in any other church. It doesn't help that my parents (who we're extremely close to) were devastated when we told them we are thinking of leaving the LC. That's probably the hardest part of all this for me.
One day my husband and I are both sure we need to leave, the next day we feel unsure again. I've told the Lord I want to be in His will for our lives regardless of the cost, but at the moment I feel paralyzed by fear. That's why I made my username NoFearInLove, because I want to remind myself of this fact.
I feel like it can't be a mistake that I stumbled upon Jo's letter and went down the rabbit hole after purposely avoiding all "negative" writings on the internet about the LC for my entire life. But as much as I've read about "knowing the sense of life" over the years, I'm having a very hard time knowing for sure whether all that discovery was of the Lord or not. I feel like it is, but then I doubt.
Your prayers are greatly appreciated!