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ZNPaaneah · 10-07-2010, 05:01 PM

Thank you. (Please don’t call me ZNPAH, Paaneah is one of the names the Bible uses for our Lord, so Z or ZNP would be a lot better). While reading your post I was reminded to be thankful in all things. It occurred to me that due to my poverty I was actually quite blessed. I was a volunteer for the Irving hall for 1 1/2 years, there was a lot of talk about the ministry of course, and I helped print the ministry, but I couldn't afford to buy it. So I spent all of my time in the Bible. (Prior to that I had been a full time student on a fixed budget. When I did buy a book I would read it through multiple times before I could buy a second. I only bought a few and they were mostly Watchman Nee.) I then went to Odessa which was just a home meeting when I went, we didn't have a book room or a standing order or anything like that, so again I heard a lot of testimonies about the ministry, but my time was spent almost exclusively in the Bible. Later I went to the FTTT and again, because of the weight restrictions I had to leave virtually every book I had behind. The only books I took were my bibles and hymnals. I even had to leave my concordance which became a blessing because I had to learn how to find verses without it. This gave me a completely different way to look at the Bible. In Taiwan I was somewhat in a bubble because of my poor Chinese. I didn't return until 1995, by then the LC seemed like a very different place. Also, after 1986 I tried buying the ministry books but couldn’t stomach them.

As I become older and look back I am ashamed of the way I have treated others. Having sins and offenses that are small compared to what others have done doesn't seem to be much of a justification anymore.

The Lord reached down and had mercy on me. I need that attitude. I often imagine the shame I will feel if I appear before the Lord and I had been unwilling to show mercy on others for fear I would get my "clothes" dirty. Being unwilling to follow the Lord’s example has to be one of the blemishes he was referring to in the verse you quoted.

Recently I got a PM from a brother on the other site and he said his desire was that the LSM would publish a repentance to deal with past sins. Well, the Lord said that "we should do unto others as we would have them do unto us". We can't control what the LSM does, but we can control what we do. This forum (and the other one) has helped me to understand many things, especially what others were going through. This afternoon I was repenting of fearfulness. I realized to my shame that my fearfulness exposed divisive thoughts that needed to be repented of. Why was I afraid of a saint, what does that say about my thoughts?

I am happy to hear about your retreat and fellowship. Most of my contact is with Christians who never had any contact with the LC. We have had some wonderful experiences. In September of 2000 we had a large rally in front of the UN. We filled the park across the street. We were meeting about the Christians who were being persecuted in Sudan. We were going to have a second meeting but it was cancelled due to 9/11. These saints always want to know what it is like to be a missionary. I feel so limited in what I have shared with them. The Pastor is familiar with WL and has asked me a lot of questions. He wanted to know if it was a cult, I gave him all my life studies and told him he could make his own decision. One of my favorite meetings of the year is the thanksgiving dinner. We spend the entire day serving thanksgiving dinner to any and all that come in. Many are poor, some are homeless or living in shelters, and several hundred of the saints also show up at some point in the day. It is the most relaxed meeting of the year. New Year’s eve is another one of my favorite meetings. The entire meeting hall is packed with several thousand saints to greet the new year on our knees. Afterwards we eat and fellowship until about 2 or 3.

10-07-2010, 05:01 PM	#8
ZNPaaneah Member Join Date: Oct 2010 Posts: 7,105	Re: Answered Prayer Thank you. (Please don’t call me ZNPAH, Paaneah is one of the names the Bible uses for our Lord, so Z or ZNP would be a lot better). While reading your post I was reminded to be thankful in all things. It occurred to me that due to my poverty I was actually quite blessed. I was a volunteer for the Irving hall for 1 1/2 years, there was a lot of talk about the ministry of course, and I helped print the ministry, but I couldn't afford to buy it. So I spent all of my time in the Bible. (Prior to that I had been a full time student on a fixed budget. When I did buy a book I would read it through multiple times before I could buy a second. I only bought a few and they were mostly Watchman Nee.) I then went to Odessa which was just a home meeting when I went, we didn't have a book room or a standing order or anything like that, so again I heard a lot of testimonies about the ministry, but my time was spent almost exclusively in the Bible. Later I went to the FTTT and again, because of the weight restrictions I had to leave virtually every book I had behind. The only books I took were my bibles and hymnals. I even had to leave my concordance which became a blessing because I had to learn how to find verses without it. This gave me a completely different way to look at the Bible. In Taiwan I was somewhat in a bubble because of my poor Chinese. I didn't return until 1995, by then the LC seemed like a very different place. Also, after 1986 I tried buying the ministry books but couldn’t stomach them. As I become older and look back I am ashamed of the way I have treated others. Having sins and offenses that are small compared to what others have done doesn't seem to be much of a justification anymore. The Lord reached down and had mercy on me. I need that attitude. I often imagine the shame I will feel if I appear before the Lord and I had been unwilling to show mercy on others for fear I would get my "clothes" dirty. Being unwilling to follow the Lord’s example has to be one of the blemishes he was referring to in the verse you quoted. Recently I got a PM from a brother on the other site and he said his desire was that the LSM would publish a repentance to deal with past sins. Well, the Lord said that "we should do unto others as we would have them do unto us". We can't control what the LSM does, but we can control what we do. This forum (and the other one) has helped me to understand many things, especially what others were going through. This afternoon I was repenting of fearfulness. I realized to my shame that my fearfulness exposed divisive thoughts that needed to be repented of. Why was I afraid of a saint, what does that say about my thoughts? I am happy to hear about your retreat and fellowship. Most of my contact is with Christians who never had any contact with the LC. We have had some wonderful experiences. In September of 2000 we had a large rally in front of the UN. We filled the park across the street. We were meeting about the Christians who were being persecuted in Sudan. We were going to have a second meeting but it was cancelled due to 9/11. These saints always want to know what it is like to be a missionary. I feel so limited in what I have shared with them. The Pastor is familiar with WL and has asked me a lot of questions. He wanted to know if it was a cult, I gave him all my life studies and told him he could make his own decision. One of my favorite meetings of the year is the thanksgiving dinner. We spend the entire day serving thanksgiving dinner to any and all that come in. Many are poor, some are homeless or living in shelters, and several hundred of the saints also show up at some point in the day. It is the most relaxed meeting of the year. New Year’s eve is another one of my favorite meetings. The entire meeting hall is packed with several thousand saints to greet the new year on our knees. Afterwards we eat and fellowship until about 2 or 3.