[Nell]

June 24, 1995 - Saturday Morning
My notes on a conversation with Herman

Ever since my May 13 conversation with Herman on Saturday of Mother’s Day weekend, I have been physically exhausted. On the 14th, the day after, I thought I was tired because of the emotional trauma of the experience. May 15 I started a new job and I started the day at 5:00 a.m. followed by a 45 minute drive to work arriving at 7:00 a.m. I felt like I was drugged and functioning on artificial energy.

I had the thought that there might be some kind of problem with what might have happened during my conversation with Herman related to the spirit world. That's when the fatigue started. I began to pray about that.

Time came for John, Jane and I to go on a weekend trip together. I had gotten plenty of sleep but still I woke up Saturday morning exhausted. This really upset me. I began to cry out to the Lord for answers. The Saturday before, I had prayed with the sisters that I was willing to see myself as the Lord saw me, and I believe what happened next was an answer to that prayer.

As I prayed, the Lord said to me "It happened again." I didn't understand. What had happened again? I had been dealt with severely by the elders in the Local Church 20 years ago in that little dark room on Mayfield Street. When the same elder talked to me May 13, I got another huge dose of "church discipline." He unloaded on me for two hours about violating the ground of locality, about judging the saints, about railing against *them*, about me being in danger of violating governmental principles, about me not getting "proper fellowship".

What Herman was saying had no power of persuasion over me. There was no witness within me that he was speaking the truth of God's Word. He had only preached local church doctrine of discipline, again, and ground of locality teachings at me. I could only testify that his concern and love for me was genuine.

THE WAGES OF SIN IS DEATH
Three years ago, when I went through the book, The Bondage Breaker, I dealt with every sin the Lord brought to my attention. I had never seen before that "sin" gives ground to the demons to attack and torment the saints. If there is sin in our lives, then "legally" Satan has a right to be there. The verse says "the wages of sin is death". This is a strong message in both The Bondage Breaker by Neil T. Anderson, and War on the Saints by Jesse Penn-Lewis.

As I prayed, as I confessed the judgmental attitudes I had in my heart, the sin of self, and the dirt I had picked up from handling a dirty issue, I began to feel lighter. The more I confessed, with each name, the heaviness began to lift. Soon the heaviness and fatigue were gone. I had such a sense of peace and wellbeing that I fell asleep. I slept peacefully for more than an hour. I woke up refreshed and enlivened.

"CHURCH" DISCIPLINE?
Looking back I was sobered. The unholy, unrighteous and sinful "church discipline" I suffered had effected my life in many ways for a period of twenty years. Because of unconfessed sin in my life, there was legal ground for Satan to attack me. I knew there was a serious problem with local "church principles" and "church discipline". I did not realize that the unleashing of these principles could invoke powerful demons which would look for whatever sin in me they could find and use that to attack me. The attack was manifested in my physical body in the form of extreme fatigue. Once the sin was gone, the ground was taken away, and the fatigue left. It has not returned. I only experience the normal fatigue of daily living. The heaviness is gone and I wake up refreshed.

When the Lord said to me "It happened again" this was confirmation to me that what had happened in Austin twenty years ago was indeed demonic. The method Satan used to transmit the demons to me was the local church discipline I experienced in Austin years ago. Even the elders who administered this discipline admitted it should have never happened. I experienced those same powerful demons on Mothers Day weekend, 1995. Because of the sin in my life which I had not seen or known about and confessed and repented, the demons had legal ground to torment me, and they did.

Our weapon against demonic oppression such as I have described is simple but powerful. We must be clean; ask the Lord to expose the sin in our lives. When He shows us our sin, we agree with Him quickly, confess and repent to the extent of the light we received from Him. It won't just "go away." It has to be confessed, repented for and He will cleanse us from the sin with His blood.

1 John 1:19: If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
It was my sin that gave ground in my life for demonic attacks. It was the sinful, unholy and unrighteous "church discipline" administered by the elders in Austin in the ‘70's that carried out the attacks against me, and I daresay countless others. These elders were responsible, as was I.

Not all discipline is sinful, unholy or unrighteous. How do you know the difference? Godly discipline heals. Godly discipline won’t make you suicidal. Godly discipline doesn’t result in night terrors or attack you in your sleep. Godly discipline will expose your sin to you in His light, and bring you to confession and repentance. Godly discipline isn’t based on lies and false accusations.

If I'm under attack, there is a reason. I need to look to the Lord for specific, unconfessed sins in my own life and take care the "man in the mirror".

CMW, I hope this helps. Sorry it was so long.
Nell