Quote:
Originally Posted by Igzy
Trapped,
When you say God or Jesus don't "show up," what do you expect that "showing up" to be like? What isn't happening that you expect or hope would happen?
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This is a hard one to answer because the only way I have to express it is using LC terminology and phrases that people have used my whole life to describe their own experience. All I can say is that I haven't experienced what they describe. Of course, in saying that, I am taking it on faith that what THEY are describing is truly the Lord and not something else that isn't the Lord. It's possible that in itself is part of the problem because maybe it lends itself to me expecting something about the Lord that is poorly described, but here goes. I'm going to start off by free typing out as many phrases as I can that come to mind that describe an experience of the Lord:
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The Lord spoke to me / the Lord said.....
I was so convicted that.....
The Lord showed me / shined on me....
I felt like the Lord was leading me to.....
He really comforted me in my situation.....
I felt the inward anointing.....
I had the life and peace to......
The Lord applied the soothing oil to my wounds......
All my mental turmoil vanished and peace reigned.....
The Lord helped me to forgive.....
The Lord came in.....
Jesus appeared to me and I've never been the same.
I touched the Lord this morning.
I spent time in His presence.
I approached the Holy of Holies.
I saw Him in His glory.
I received a controlling vision.
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What on earth do any of those mean? I haven't experienced them. It's not for not trying. It's not for not opening. It's not for not giving Him plenty of chances. But everyone around me seems to be pretty confident in what they are saying. Am I crazy? Or are they crazy?
I've asked the question here and elsewhere about how to know the Lord's leading, and the common response has been essentially that many admit there isn't actual "leading"; rather, you can do what you want unless you have a "no" from your conscience. To me that is not "leading" so much as "not prevented". "Leading" implies some external thing to follow after......but in actually pushing on the matter, it seems most people just do what they want unless they are stopped.
I have also asked about people saying they have a conversation with the Lord. When I push on it, they admit there is no "conversation"....it's just one way. The Lord doesn't actually "speak", although I think many people say they have had at least one experience in their life where they thought the Lord spoke to them so loudly about something important that they basically could "hear" Him.
All this just sounds to me the same as the Lord not being there. They say there is leading but really there isn't. They say there is conversation but really there isn't. It's not a feeling, don't go by your feelings. But people live their lives according to this. I can't wrap my head around it.
As I've said, I've been on my knees in tears and anguish recently, asking the Lord for help, or healing, or just coming to Him. But that's all that happens. There is no "sense" while I'm doing that that He's there. There is no "inward" anything. There is no healing. There are no comforting words "spoken" to me. When I stand up I'm just emptied from the tears but there is nothing beneficial that happened or change or feeling from the praying. If I can't go by feeling, as the LC says, then what is there to go by? All I can see is it's the same as not praying. It's the same as the Lord not showing up. It's the same as God not caring.
I don't know how helpful that is.