Quote:
Originally Posted by Ohio
Jesus visited me. In the twinkling of an eye, I became a new person. I could talk for hours about the many changes in my life.
Trapped, only God really knows you, and knows what you have lived thru. I can only suggest what has helped me. I too had a million reasons about what didn't work. I can only testify of how He saved me from sin and misery. Doesn't mean my life has been easy since, but I have learned that He is trustworthy, and He promised us that if we seek Him, we will find Him. You can hold Him to His word.
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Ohio, thanks for your story and I certainly appreciate hearing your experience. I do feel like I've gotten a "glimpse" of a different God by reading some other Bible versions or hearing speaking from other Christian teachers, but then I come back to my actual life and what I heard or read is just a nice story not applicable to me. I've been waiting for the "twinkling of an eye" moment my whole life.
Because of my experience, I don't have the energy to "search with my whole heart" for God. He has to meet me halfway. I don't have the energy to seek for something I don't have the confidence or faith will honor the seeking or will ever be there or be worth the seeking.
I've essentially been expecting Him to rip everything away from me and reduce me to nothing and break me, and the past year He has done exactly that through a long string of events totally outside my control, no matter how much I tried to make things better. When He does that, usually what one would expect is for Him to appear, but again, He hasn't, even though I have literally been on my knees in tears and anguish. There has not been a moment, not even one, when I could remotely say that He is the God of any comfort, much less of all comfort.
I know it's hard to help someone's personal experience. I'm not expecting you to be able to say a magic phrase that will unlock it for me. It just helps to get it out though. Thanks.