[Trapped]

Originally Posted by Ohio

The best way to know God's love and care is to believe His word, to believe what He has written to us. Unfortunately, Trapped, I think you are a victim of teachings. Endless teachings about God, about your life, about others' lives, about all that you should do, about all that you should not do, about, about, about . . . These have merely become laws, traditions, and ordinances to insulate you from God Himself. Only faith in His word can cut thru these layers of insulation.

I encourage you to prayerfully believe His word. Start with the Gospel of John or the book of Romans. Open your believing heart to God using His own words to speak to Him. Speak His word back to Him as a prayer. Listen to hear Him. Connect your heart with Him on the throne. Go past the teachings to the Person who authored them.

This may sound like mere spiritual talk, but this is real. This is the real life of every child of God. How do we know that He loves us? Because He said so. He loves us unconditionally. He loves us with an eternal love. Even when we were dead in sins, He loved us. He proved His love on the cross. Nothing in this entire universe is as sure as His word of love to us.

Ohio, thanks for your post.

Years ago an elder told me that what I needed was to read the Bible. I balked, saying that I had never gotten much from it. He responded that in that case, I should then consider it like medicine......it may not taste good but you need to take it in to heal your sickness. That was the first time anyone had said anything I could sink my teeth into - his reply contained a level of acknowledgement that the Bible isn't necessarily something easy to take in, rather than crushing me for having the gall to say that I didn't love the thing with every ounce of my being. I could wrap my head around something not being pleasant, but necessary, like medicine. And at the time I was struggling and couldn't deny that I needed some sort of "medicine".

So I resolved to read the Bible every day for a year. And I did. I didn't want to, but I did. I viewed it like medicine. I didn't want to crack open the pages, but I did. I had been told my whole life in the church to just tell the Lord exactly how you feel, even if it's "I don't want to open to You right now". I wasn't going to spend the year faking piety, so I was just honest every time - "I don't want to be here, but I come to You in Your word", or "Lord, nothing in me wants to read the Bible, but here I am. I am here, this is the best I can do. You have to meet me." Some days it was "I think what I'm reading is so dumb and not helpful at all. He who is weak eats vegetables? Was that really worth putting in there?" I couldn't pretend to be anywhere I wasn't, and the Lord sees right through that anyway.

I had heard for years people excitedly talking about how the words leapt off the page, or the words became spirit and life, or how they just couldn't stop reading and it was so amazing. I fully expected that to happen at some point in the entire year. Even though I could barely do what I was doing, I thought God would honor in some small, tiny way that I was trying, reading, seeking, coming to Him through His word, giving Him the opportunity. I had been told my whole life that God is just there, all around us all the time, just waiting, waiting for a crack, waiting for an opening, waiting for an opportunity, for us to open to Him so He could "stream in", "dispense Himself", etc...... Well, what is coming to His word every day for a year if not a crack, an opportunity, an opening?

The Lord never showed up. My outward situation didn't change, which I was hoping a little for but didn't expect, but my inward situation also didn't change, which is what everyone says happens and I desperately needed. After a year, I put the Bible away.

I often think that being a Christian is great for analytical people, but I've always hated analysis (i.e. in literature.....in English classes in high school my most dreaded essay topics were those that made a statement and then ended with the command "Analyze" - ARGH!!!) I hate analysis. Just say it plainly! I hate metaphors and similes, especially when talking about the literal meaning of your life. Just say it! Say what you want from us! Say what we need to do! Don't mix it in among a thousand verses so you have to connect a thousand lines and dots and wonder if this word used over here has relevance to the same word used in another context by another author - it's just a game that I don't understand why we have to play.