Quote:
Originally Posted by Trapped
I always wonder if that was God "giving me what for" because I somehow didn't do what He wanted me to, even though I never got His leading about it in the first place when I gave Him the chance. In other words, I tried to get "the peace" about college and going abroad, didn't, and after the choice still wonder to this day what God's thought about it was. Did I make the right one? How do I know? Will I ever know? If not, how do you live your life that way, not knowing or having a gauge on what the Lord's feeling is about what you do? What is the point then? I've lived a lot of my life pushing Him aside but to find out that others who seem to live letting Him in end up living in practice without His actual input makes my head spin. I can't put the two together, given the way it was spoken about growing up.
More often than not "others" are just thoughtlessly flapping their tongues rather than being conduits for the Lord's speaking. Speaking through situations is problematic too.....I recall years ago I took a short class on a practical topic that was a big hurdle for me to even sign up for, given the context of this thread. I really liked the class but on the last meeting of it, I had an unusually, bizarrely, horrible time getting to class, so much so that I thought "does the Lord not want me to go to this class or something?". It struck me all of a sudden that maybe the Lord was intentionally preventing me from going for some reason and using the environment to "speak" that. I pulled over and was paralyzed by the thought of continuing on and possibly something bad happening because I chose to keep going even though possibly the Lord didn't want it.
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Trapped, you are "trapped" in the same fold (John 10) as your parents. It's basis premise is this: "
God is out to get you every time you screw up." This really is a life of fear. As Nell said, experienced Christian counselors / pastors can help deliver you from this spirit of fear. Much of this excessive analysis paralysis is designed by this ministry to keep you padlocked in indecision. In this state you become robotically useful to the ministry but little else -- e.g. if your marriage fails, or your job fails, that's OK as long as you remain absolute for the ministry. This ministry bribes us to think "peace" within is your guide rather than faith in Him.
This fear causes you to second guess every decision you will ever make. Think about it. Whenever life gets tough, and you know "tough" happens to all of us, you will always be tempted to quit because of the fear that you made a mistake. Some of faith's hardest decisions are not made with any "peace" at all. Living in the LC is kind of like living in the military -- there's a certain comfort or "peace" in having others make all the decisions for you.
To a certain extent, we are all working thru these same dynamics. It definitely has helped me by fellowshipping with Christians outside the LC's. The healthy ones are not bound by the same shackles. They think differently. Our heavenly Father loves us, and wants to live thru your human life. Tell the Lord what you would like to do. Weigh your decisions against morality and righteousness. The Lord loves to be included in the thoughts and intents of our heart. But tell the Lord you need specifics, without which you cannot be responsible for "messing up." When trials come your way, never think the Lord does not love you, rather He becomes more near and dear. He is never mad at you, rather mad about you!
When I left the LC, I was so bound by this "one church one city" teaching, that I had to move to another city in order to meet with other Christian churches. Today I look back on this as kind of silly, but that's where I was at. I needed time to be "de-leavened" by researching the scriptures anew and learning from others. At the same time I left, a senior co-worker also was departing. He said that if asked, just tell others that I am just trying to follow the Lord. That helped to free me, and point me in the right direction.