[Trapped]

I'll throw my own in. The self-imposed passivity. To this day I am scared to initiate anything in my own life, including small things like calling people up to go hang out, all the way to bigger things like what job to go for or what medium-to-large changes I should make in my life, because of the deep-seated negative implication that that is something initiated by me and not by the Lord. I know this should be balanced in that we should bring the Lord into things, but it ends up being paralyzing. I’ve never been allowed to express what I want, or have an interest in things, or have a goal to strive for (it might replace the Lord!!!) that as an adult I am still prevented from those things. Or, if I do, they are accompanied by guilt and shame and fear.

When I was in high school the serving ones told us that we should never ever make a big decision like choosing what college to go to without including the Lord in the decision. They told us to sit down alone in our rooms and write down the names of the colleges we were considering and pray over the list to see where the Lord would lead us. Well, terrified of making a big decision without the Lord and afraid of the repercussions if I didn't, I did just that, only I got no leading or feeling or direction at all. After agonizing about it I finally gave up and just went where I wanted to go. I talked to another church kid a year or two ago who said something similar.....they said they were worried about doing anything of their own initiative but chased the Lord's feeling to no avail and said "eventually I just had to do what makes me happy".