So I invited KwB to this forum. We grew up together, and were at the training together. I'm so glad she joined.
In the very short time I've been here, maybe what, 48 hours? I've seen several comments, both to me and to others, that have made it painfully clear this forum is mostly Christian friendly only. I have had a demand that I explain if I "accepted Jesus" as lord and savior, after very clearly stating that I am not even Christian and of a different religion.
That is not a question you ask someone who is following another religion. It would be absurd to have someone introduce themselves as Muslim, Jewish, or Hindu, and immediately ask them that question. That's why I haven't bothered answering it. That, and it came off as rude. Granted, it is not always easy to read tone, but still, the fact it was asked at all had the flavor of gearing up for an evangelical blitzkrieg. I will not be giving that satisfaction today. Interrogation is not in my planner and I'm busy.
I have also already had the comment that I follow a religion that has deities "we" now "know" are figments of the imagination. Also rude, condescending, and therefore not receiving a response. Maybe it was meant to be funny, but it's kind of like asking a person with dark skin, "where are you REALLY from?" As if to say, "I don't consider you to be an American."
Needless to say, I'm starting to get a little ticked off. I think it's the fact that I came here seeking refuge in the common experience of experiencing trauma from the LC. I had hoped that would be enough to give us common ground. Unfortunately, instead, I am being reminded of one of the worst things about the large majority of evangelical Christians: their terrible social etiquette.
I don't think I should have to tell even a virtual roomful of adults that it is disrespectful to talk to people of other religions as if yours is the only right one, and theirs is wrong or not as genuine, as both I and now my fellow ex "sister" have now experienced. When you do this, you are retraumatizing someone who has the same trauma as you, but adding further trauma to people who are further outside the fold as it were.
One reason this really pushes my buttons is I remember BEING this way. I remember how I couldn't make friends, how I couldn't connect on a genuine, human level that would have made me feel less alone, because I did not believe I could learn anything from anyone who was not just a Christian, but an LC Christian! I know you know what I'm talking about. How can you make a connection with people if all you see is someone who you need to save?
The fallacy is a lot more dangerous than that, too; I like others here could not seek out professional help in therapy because I did not believe it could help me with spiritual issues. I'm lucky I'm still alive. As you know, others have not been as lucky. That kind of arrogance, which is often found along evangelicals, but WORSE in LC culture, ensures isolation. It is very effective. So effective that some of you are still doing it.
Look, if this forum is only for Christians, I am fine respecting that. But I would appreciate some open, explicit clarity on that, as I have not been able to find a thorough description anywhere, nor have I been able to find a list of rules, if there is one. I am happy to play by the rules. My religion does not have an evangelism mandate. I'd be happy to answer genuine RESPECTFUL questions about it, but I don't need to talk about it, and honestly, I don't really want to open up conversations that are going to end up being dominated by one scriptual text. I have also noticed the little Alternative Views section (the name implies that everyone else otherwise has the *same* views), and was intending to go there if expressing myself there would be more appropriate...and more respectfully received. Once again, I'd appreciate clarity. I would like to stick around, but if this really is just LC-Lite, then I really don't belong here. And I don't like to see my sister, who has also JUST found a connection and a hopeful opportunity for healing, have to immediately deal with proselytizing and invalidating of her religious path. You want to pray for us heathens, go for it. Knock yourself out! I never turn down positive energy. But what exactly is the point of actually telling someone directly that they will eventually renounce their path (they won't) and you know what's best for them? Thinking it is one thing...but saying it to people is just rude and AWKWARD! Has anyone here learned anything since leaving the LC?! I'm admittedly incredulous. Have you all really never been in interfaith settings? Gotten to know people who are different from you? I can't help but wonder, what have you been doing??
Incidentally, I am not surprised if ex sisters aren't sticking around, if this is the normal climate. Although I know it is usually not intentional, the aggressive, domineering way men are socialized to interact and push a point is often a turn off to women who are looking for space to not have to take care of others, couch everything they say in the most diplomatic terms possible, and pretend to not actually be sure of what they are saying when they are. That is what WE are socialized to do.
And it gets exhausting, especially when you are in need of expressing deep hurts and baggage like everyone else. When this happens enough, women often end up seeking women-only spaces. That is one very likely factor, just if you were wondering. If you're really hurting for the double X chromosomes around here and that's a problem for you, I'm just saying, now might be a good time to practice not making the same mistake. That's all I'm saying.
So if we need to leave, I trust someone here will have the huevos to simply say so, so no one is wasting anyone else's time. If, however, we are welcome, then may I please respectfully ask everyone to remember how to BEHAVE?! And not be WEIRD?!
You can see why I would never have made it as a "sister" in the LC. You know what it's like to have the personality of a bear and constantly try to stuff it into the form of a rabbit?!
Fyi, I am Black too...and Afro-Latina. There is definitely a white-washed stepford wives complex in the LC. There is also idealising and orientalizing of Asian cultural beauty standards. It actually creeped me out so much as I got older, and would visit other sisters' houses...all the same, all quiet, all decorated in pastels and domestic...it was CREEPY. I was like, how am I ever going to be like that?! That is so not me!!! It scared me. I felt certain that one day I was going to have to somehow look, act, and live the same...that that's what it meant to follow the Lord completely. Even though that was ludicrous and impossible. I am so sorry, KwB, that you suffered so much of that. I experienced some as well but not quite as overtly. I tried so hard to deny my strong nature. It made me severely depressed, if you remember...depression sometimes being anger turned inward onto oneself. And I'm horrified by and sorry that you experience assault. I did not know that.
I am weeping for you.
You are BEAUTIFUL. I trust you know that now. But I always thought so. And brilliant. So who needs them.
You know, the irony is that they don't have enough respect for the presence of women until it's too late. I remember that time they realized older sisters were dying, and they started to panic, and for like the first time, they actually started TALKING to us and suggesting we have a role as prayer warriors. They treat you real bad until they quickly realize they are running out of the pool of potential marriage partners. The vindictive side of me sometimes takes pleasure in imagining what their response would be if that finally started to happen. I wonder what that rapid culture change would end up looking like, how much weirdness they'd be willing to give up.
People really don't respect the power of collective mobilized female interests. The last time it went nutzo, there was a The Beatles. (Also, though, there were hair bands...)
Quote:
Originally Posted by KindnessNotBlindness
Aron, thank you for the response. l am not a man hater and interestingly enough I had no problem with brothers leading. I had problems with the corruption, elitism, and entitlement the brothers embodied while taking the lead. Along with them trying to counsel others and they had no light or discernment. Very, very troubling!
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