Fuji,
Thank you for posting...finally!
and welcome!
I would like to give you my view of the "search for church."
During my first year or so of meeting with the LC, of all people, Benson Phillips shared something like this: "If you concentrate on Jesus, the church will 'come out'. If you concentrate on the church,
nothing will 'come out'". I don't think Benson practices this anymore, but I do.
I have shared this several times because it was one of my most vivid memories of that joyous time when I first began to experience the Christian life in a way I never thought possible.
Slowly Benson (and others, WL) led us into concentration on the church itself and the decline began and has never ceased. We began to lose the joy of the Lord which was substituted for what we were told was the "glorious church life."
I could go on and on but I think you know where it's going. My conclusion is that Benson was right. I now believe that there is altogether too much "church talk". There is too much emphasis on finding the "right church." In fact, there is only one church. Everything else called a "church" is organized and managed by humans, by a board of trustees, a board of deacons, etc. I'm not saying this to be critical of the organized churches out there, but just to point out a fact and add some perspective to the topic. Some are called denominations, etc., but all, including the Local Churches, are an outgrowth of the desire of Christians to fellowship with one another as the Bible commands. This is not a bad thing. It's scriptural. Yet Christians often believe denominations are the same as the universal church. I believe this is a mistaken way to look at "church" which perpetuates an endless search for the "right church."
Certainly there are a multitude of Christians in the denominations. These Christians ARE "the church". The denomination is only the structure.
As Benson said all those years ago, if you "concentrate" on Christ, the church will come out. It's not up to man to figure out how to "do church". Our job is to love the Lord, our God, with all our hearts, souls and minds. We are told to follow the Lamb wherever he goes and look to Him to lead us to other Christians for fellowship. The scene today is so complex and most often based on what men think the church should be that we look for guidance from our own understanding, wherein we were told to "lean not". Instead, search the Scriptures. Talk to Jesus. Ask Him to lead you to other Christians for fellowship. Don't worry about "church." Let HIM be your Shepherd.
It may be that you need to "sit tight" for awhile and get to know Him on a more personal level. Pour your heart out to Him. Tell Him what you think. Tell Him what you want. Don't depend on a "search for church" to grow in Him and know Him. As Paul said "That I may know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His suffering."
Most of all, understand that what HE calls "church" and what WE call "church" are often two different things. He said "I will build my church." We should get out of His way, and let Him build HIS church HIS way. He will lead you to fellowship in his own time and in his own way. We can be at peace and trust the one who died for our sins. We may hit a few bumps (what WE call bumps) in the road on our journey, but he is able and qualified to lead us through tough times which will surely come.
This forum is populated to a large extent by a collection of believers who were led in and out of a place that was not healthy. Likely our walk with the Lord was compromised by our "search for church." Now it's time to "concentrate on Jesus" since we know what doesn't work.
I hope this helps you.
Nell