Quote:
Originally Posted by Drake
Therefore, you feared the dread, the daily dread. Expectations were unreasonable.
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Well, dread is a kind of fear. I think it came down to that I began to question whether the expectations of the LCM were God's expectations. There was a conflict between what I'd been indoctrinated with and perhaps what God was really expecting of me.
In short, I did not experience the grace to fully take on the challenge of the LCM as if the requirement was from God. It became a religious exercise because, I believe now, that's what it was. That doesn't mean I didn't have good experiences. Just that God was not requiring me to accept and believe everything that was taught there, including and especially that their way was the only way to truly serve God, whether I saw "the vision" or not. I believe in obeying God, but the LCM "vision" is just one more interpretation of things and a flawed one I believe. It doesn't carry any weight in and of itself or because Lee taught it.
However, the indoctrination produced an inner conflict in the heart of a young person. Though my gut told me that I was doing the right thing by leaving, my mind argued back, because I did not have the intellectual backing to support my gut. All I knew was there was something not right with the whole situation and I was very unhappy.
Further since the LCM does not prepare a young person for life on their own outside the LCM (I joined when I was 18), I was not emotionally prepared for the challenges of life among non-LCMers. Also, my disposition and personality were quite naive and immature. So adjustment was very tough, which lent more fodder to the Devil's accusations.
But it all hinged on the edict which in my day was taught quite plainly: "You cannot leave 'the church' and if you do you are in rebellion against God." This I now know is a lie, but that doesn't stop the Devil from accusing. Martin Luther suffered terribly from the Devil's accusations after he left Catholicism, even though he was not wrong to do so.
But I don't know what you are getting at with these questions. Perhaps you are trying to help me? That's fine. I have nothing to hide, fear or prove now, and I don't mind answering questions. But I'd like the discussion to be relevant to the subject matter.
So I like for you to try to respond to my whole argument that telling people they can't leave your group is an abusive practice.
And also tell me: Who is responsible for my suffering? Just me? I accept some responsibility. I should have gotten Christian counseling. But I expect you are thinking that, well, if I hadn't had left I wouldn't have suffered.
But don't you see that to me that's just one more piece of the manipulation? It's also kind of calloused.