Unregistered

I have been reflecting on what took place this week. On one hand I am very thankful to the Lord for this opportunity, ever since I learned of this event I have wanted to talk to Ed about it. I feel I was able to release my burden and that is something that makes me feel much better.

Thinking about Ed I feel he was ashamed about this incident. I don't want to speak for him but that was the sense that I came away with, he did express shame over this. That to me is encouraging because it tells me that his conscience is actively convicting him. I don't know what to think about the "he doesn't want to deal with this now" and questions about whether I was going to bring this up during the meeting. It seems like fear, but again, I don't want to assume too much.

I was very disappointed with Dennis. One key point he brought up was that Brother James had invited Ed here and this meeting was a big deal to Brother James, and they didn't want me to damage that now. Based on my past experience with Brother James (I used to live with him on the weekends when we both stayed at Dunton house for a few years) he was outraged by the entire event with PL. However, this statement from Dennis implies that he is still outraged but wants to wink at that sin for now because he feels it is in the best interest of the church to make some kind of deal with Ed. Since Brother James invited Ed and then I talked to Ed it might appear that Brother James set the entire thing up. I can tell you right now he didn't, the Lord Jesus did. This is a very big disappointment, it appears that the church in NY has lost sight of the Lord and of righteousness. But again, this inference is being pieced together without having council with all of the elders.

What was most disturbing to me was the entire attitude of "how dare you talk to Ed". Ed is not someone of diminished capacity or mentally unstable or going through a great deal of grief at this moment. I could understand if Ed was mourning the loss of a very close relative and the meeting was a memorial service. I could also understand if Ed had been committed to a mental health facility for years and had just been released. In those cases I could understand the outrage as a lack of empathy and the appearance of trying to take advantage of someone at a moment of extreme weakness. But Ed is an Elder of a respected church and has been in that position for 30 years. I am pretty sure he can handle a one on one conversation with me. The actions of Dennis were very clearly in accordance with the wishes of the elders of the church in NY. This was the most cultic action I have ever seen done by this particular church. If I, a person who knew Ed back in 1978-1981, a person who like Ed also was a trainer in the Full Time Training (I in Taipei, Ed in Anaheim), a person who has a close personal relationship with him (so much so that he gave me his car), if I cannot "talk to Ed", then any pretense to fellowship in that church is just that, a pretense.