[Thankful Jane]

I wrote this a few weeks ago in response to a post by Terry, but decided not to post it then. Today, I think I should. It is l-o-n-g, which some complain about, so I please forgive. There is no short way to tell the story included in this. I also think my writing style is in my DNA, so it's hard to change. If long is bad to you, then I suggest you just don’t read this!!!

Originally Posted by Terry

Jane, when I learned of your story, blessD's, Bill W's, and who knows how many more, I have empathy. When one member of the Body suffers, we all suffer. I have.

Thank you, Terry. What you said brought back the memory of an experience that I had a few years ago that I think I should share.

First, let me say that I appreciate your gentle heart. To have genuine empathy for others and to express how we feel in words of comfort is the normal response when we learn about people who have been hurt by people in places of power. It shows we have a compassionate heart like His. Because I have been so thoroughly helped by God and so healed by His love, I honestly don’t think I need others to feel sympathy for me and am not seeking sympathy whenever I mention what happened to me. However, God has taught me that it is very good for us as members of His family to strongly express our feelings of love and care for one another and also to accept such expressions of love.

In January 2006, about 3 months after our book was published, I had a very, very unusual experience with the Lord which I will never forget. It gave me a very personal and real look at His heart of love for us.

One day, I was at home sitting at my computer writing with no travel plans in mind and three or four days later I was in Anaheim on a whirlwind visit of 4 days. I felt like I had been picked up by the Spirit and transported there. I won’t share how this came about, but it had the handiwork of God stamped all over it, as did the whole trip. My son, Matt, was with me. From the time our feet touched the ground until the time we departed, we were carried by the Spirit from one heaven-made appointment to the next. The Lord set the agenda as the days unfolded, and we hardly had time to eat, sleep, or change clothes.

What I want to share is about the experience I had with 4 different brothers on that trip and what God showed me as a result.

The first brother is one that I met 35 years ago and had not seen since that time. While Matt and I were with him and with two others having breakfast in a restaurant, the Lord appeared. I won’t share particulars of what happened there in our fellowship, but the Spirit was so awesomely present for a period of time that even the waitress and people near by were stopped and listening. Afterwards, Matt and I attended a very dry, dull, and dead Christian meeting with the first brother. After that meeting he stopped me and said, “Jane, before you get away, I have to say something ....” Tears welled up in his eyes and he said, “What happened at that restaurant was .... INCREDIBLE!” I said, “Yes, it was!” We both knew the Lord had been there. (And we also both knew that the meeting we had just suffered through had the Lord no where in sight.) He continued to shake his head and show great emotion. He said a little more, the essence of which was that the experience in the restaurant had been a reminder of what it was like to have the Lord present in fellowship. It had moved him to tears. He wanted me to try and tell another brother (an elder among them) what had happened at the restaurant, and he called this elder over to where we sat. I tried to say something to him, but quickly realized this brother had no interest. He was clearly pre-occupied with his own things and service to God and hurried away. The 35-year-ago brother wanted him to know that he had just been with Jesus in a way reminiscent of the past, but there simply were no ears to hear.

Now to the second brother. After lunch that day, another brother came and introduced himself to me. He was an ex-LC elder that I had seen, but never met before. He had disappeared off the radar many years before and I never knew what happened to him. He said a few things to me, left, returned, said a few more things, left, returned, and said more things. Each time he returned, he was becoming more emotional until the third time we were both standing there crying. (Remember we had never met before!)

He told me that someone had given him and his wife a copy of my book and he had been trying to read it, but it was very hard for him. By the third return, he had managed to tell me that he had been hurt by very strong women in his life. He thought that the fact that I had written a book meant I was probably just another strong woman. This was the reason he was having a hard time trying to read it. He told me how much it had helped him to meet me in person and that our meeting had taken that thought completely away. As he shared more he began to cry, and I did also. The Lord’s presence was very strong as we stood there talking and crying. I still have that picture in my mind as clearly as if it had happened yesterday. I had never experienced anything like that before.

Here’s the picture: a man, a Christian brother, who had been deeply wounded by women during his lifetime (both relatives and Christian women), standing before me, a Christian sister, who had been deeply wounded by men in my life (both relatives and Christian men). We were both crying and the Spirit was palpably there crying with us. I felt like we were being given a foretaste of the powerful work of the Spirit to heal every wound and to wash away every hurt and even to remove the memories of all the harm people had inflicted on one another. It was like a miniature of the whole body of Christ with men and women being washed and made whole and restored to one another by the Spirit. I just don’t have the words for it was like, but I knew the Lord was showing me something of His work to come.

Now to the third brother. After this we went to the home of a brother and sister who had invited us to come and visit with them. I had never met either of them before, but had heard the brother’s name before. They had received a copy of my book and had read it. That is why we were invited. We had some small talk, mostly us asking them questions about themselves. Then, the brother turned the conversation to us. He said he had something he wanted to say. He opened his mouth to speak and couldn’t. He looked at me and much to my surprise, he burst into tears. His whole body shook as he wept. I was stunned, as was Matt. He wept a minute or so then he finally spoke. “Sister, what they did to you! I want to tell you how very sorry I am!” He proceeded to vocalize his sorrow for my experience and continued to weep. He was not just crying, he was sobbing and weeping and shaking. I didn’t know what to say or how to respond. I tried to comfort him, saying, “Brother, it’s okay. I am okay. I am thankful for everything.” He said, “No, I need to say it. It was terrible. I am so very, very sorry!” He shed more tears.

Afterwards, as I reflected on what had happened, the Lord showed me that He was using this very caring and tenderhearted brother to show me His own heart. This was how God feels about those who are abused. I will never, ever, ever, forget that experience.

And lastly, the fourth brother. The next day, Matt and I were invited to the home of this brother, whom we had never met before. He had contacted me via email after reading my book. As we sat in his living room and talked a little, all of sudden he stopped talking and began to weep and sob just as the third brother had done. He said (paraphrased to the best of my memory), “What the brothers have done to so many. What they did to me. They just don’t know. The Lord’s heart is so grieved and breaking.” Matt and I began to cry with him. We all sat on the couch together and cried. We prayed together for our Father to forgive those who had hurt others and heal us all.

I’m sharing all this to show what I saw through these experiences about the heart of God towards all of us. Like the first brother, God is grieving for what we have lost that is rightfully ours: His prevailing and powerful presence. Like the picture God gave me in my experience with the second brother, God wants to and will wash and heal and restore us one to another, both male and female, as we communicate and confess our faults one to another. Like the third brother, He is in agony of heart for the wounded and abused. He loves them so deeply and has hurt with them. Even though they couldn’t see it at the time, He was afflicted with them. Like the last brother, He is full of sorrow over those who have done such damage to their own brothers.

The impression made on me during this trip by these godly brothers who let me see the Lord in the deep feelings of their heart, has remained. I felt I had been given a look into the very heart of love of our longsuffering God.

Right now its hard to type because the memory is also making me cry again. Terry, your post reminded me that God is weeping over us.

He let us see His tears for His people through Jeremiah. At the same time, God also spoke hard words through Jeremiah, because whom He loves He rebukes and chastens. His correction is His love and mercy. His words of warning in the Bible that expose our idolatrous hearts should bring us to our knees with tears of repentance.

....continued in another post ...