[UntoHim]

Thanks for having the courage to put yourself out here and post. I know it can't be easy.

It is a VERY, VERY important thing you are doing in reading the 4 gospels. They contain the direct teachings, parables and works of the Lord Jesus Himself. This will be a great healing and encouragement, and I can assure you that you will eventually find yourself much less "lost".

In the meantime, we are all here for you my friend. Though many of us are older, there are a number of younger ones around here who can relate to your situation and I hope they will come on the forum with some words of encouragement and hope.