[aron]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

first step is defining what is making you leave after 20 years. By the very number, you were not unhappy most of the time. Figure out what made you unhappy and shed that.

I think that everyone has a unique journey. So mine is mine and yours is yours. But I will share something of mine, because I trust that it overlaps somewhat with those of others.

For example, brother Ohio and I have shared that we both formerly engaged in a kind of "primal scream therapy" in the bars, in the concert halls, in the keg parties. We'd engage in some kind of berserk Bacchanalia, an orgy of shouting and arm-waving, throw a few beer bottles and then go home and sleep it off. Then wake up, fumble around for the cigarettes and keep going. Why? Because it was fun.

Then by God's mercy I got sober and soon found myself in the second row (first being the "blended brothers" of Lee) of a meeting, shouting and waving my arms. Fun! Really, I liked it. I liked to have a kind of sober "primal scream therapy" session holding a bible or hymnal. So I did that for a number of years. Like I said elsewhere, there were a lot of things that didn't square with either the word or my conscience, but it was more fun than being a drunkard.

Then one day the Holy Spirit said, "Go, for I send you far away, to the Gentiles!" (Acts 22:21) It certainly was a challenge, and without the constant reinforcement of the movement (meetings 5 days a week, plus constant "fellowship" socially) my faith got battered, occasionally.

But guess what? I can still have fun. Guess why I write on this forum? To convince the world that my ideas are correct? Not really; I just like to write. I like having people like OBW and awareness comment on my ideas. Knock 'em about, see if there's anything there. So that's what I kept. I kept the focus really appreciating each day, each moment. Remember that healed Samaritan that fell on his face, before Jesus, praising God for His mercy? (Luke 17). Surely God deserves our praise and thanks! I don't want to quit that. So I keep going, because it's more fun for me to continue than to quit.

--What I left behind was the adoration and elevation of a man's ministry (I have my favorites, I admit - Eusebius and Origen being a couple examples - but they departed the earth long ago and I don't anticipate joining a cult of personality based on either one).

--What I left behind was letting someone else think for me. I now realize that I am responsible for my own thoughts. It is time for me to be a big boy, to grow up and take responsibility for my own ideas. They are mine; I own them.

--What I left behind was the arrogance of thinking that I knew the Bible better than others, just because I could wave a couple verses around. That is like the 3rd grader sneering at the 1st grader. Pretty dumb.

--What I left behind is the idea that an organization can replace the Holy Spirit.

--What I left behind was the "us" and "them" mentality that so easily pervades mankind, identifies us as strangers from one another, and sets us on antagonistic courses. We are all here together. We are all sinners. Jesus can save us all. Jesus left the 99 and found the lost sheep. Why should we so easily dismiss one another? Can't we at least acknowledge, respect one another? If anyone was qualified to condemn, and ignore, and reject, it was Jesus. But He was moved with compassion, and he stretched out His hand and healed.

--What I left behind is the theology of the museums. Like glass cases to house the mummified animals, like dioramas in the Museum of Natural History, beautiful and leafy, with painted clouds... all fake. Instead I try to let the Word guide me deeper into the reality. Jesus, when He argued with the scribes, continually said, "Have you not read the scriptures?" (e.g. Matt 19:4) and "do you not yet understand the scriptures?" (e.g. Mark 12:24). We have a very shallow and fragmentary awareness of the scriptures. If we think we have created some "high peak" theology we will maul the scriptures just like Nee & Lee did. Lee went through the scriptures like a bulldozer driving through a flower garden. Not a pretty sight.

For all the exasperation I feel at people like awareness and zeek at their seemingly obstinate refusal to believe anything, I would much rather have a conversation with them any day, than a zombie from the LSM or the LDS or the JWs or 7th Day Adventists. I find it literally impossible to talk to such people. You can say, "The sky is blue", to them, and you can see their eyes roll back as they search their cranial circuits for the programmed response.

Theology is good, and it's necessary, but it should never become a cage to imprison us and derail our journey. Anyway, as Unregistered said, Find out what makes you happy and keep doing that. Whatever makes you unhappy, drop it.