[Thankful Jane]

Dear Hope:

This is my response to your post #704. I rewrote your post to clarify it in the previous post. Now to my response:

(Your writing in blue; mine in black):

Above are a few quotes from your post. I have no desire to get into a “prove it debate.” Over the past months, you have basically taken a mode of “be on the alert to put down whatever Don says since he was once an elder.” But I was never an elder related to you nor did I ever have any interaction with you in that capacity.

My Bad

I re-read the posts around the time of the event with BlessD and the back and forth between you and me. As I did this, and in particular when I re-read your post #704, I realized some obvious things that were clearly my bad.

Although, I didn’t name you in my post to BlessD, it was evident to anyone reading it that you were the one I was referring to about questioning her. I later told you that I had to make a choice between BlessD’s feelings and yours. I realized as I re-read this that my excuse wasn’t true. I didn’t have to make a choice. I could have sent BlessD a message in private and accomplished taking care of her feelings. I had to ask myself why I didn’t do this. With God’s help, it became clear to me that I was acting out of being offended with you. Instead of addressing the real problem, I just complained at you indirectly in another post. Doing so was wrong. So, will you please forgive me for my public response to her in which I indirectly complained against you?

My Problem

So what was my real problem with you? Be assured that it was not about you being an elder in the past. Rather, it was about what you had just done in the present to djohnson in an earlier post that was like elder behavior from the past. It was also about how you had failed to respond properly to two of us who had pointed out that what you did wasn’t right. I have a further repentance about this, but first I need to give a review of what happened with djohnson:

In post #56, you went after djohnson as someone who was here to “curse us all.” In that post, you came down with a heavy hand on him accusing him repeatedly of bad motives. Here’s the link to the post I am referring to:

http://www.localchurchdiscussions.com/vBulletin/showpost.php?p=2189&postcount=56

Another poster responded to you and kindly indicated that it wasn’t good to go after djohnson like that (post #58). You answered him that we needed to act with discernment and that you “saw something” about djohnson. I then wrote to you about what you had done, with specifics:

http://www.localchurchdiscussions.com/vBulletin/showpost.php?p=2220&postcount=74

Your response to me was, ““What I said may sound strange but just file what I said for later reference. I always hope that my warnings will not come to pass.” (post #83)

The appropriate response would have been to acknowledge that what you did was wrong and apologize. Your failure to do this left me with a bad feeling towards you and a judgment about your behavior. It sent the message to me that you did not see what you were doing was wrong, and furthermore, you didn’t care to see. I now can see that I remained offended with you, and as a result ended up doing something wrong towards you in my post to BlessD. I have now repented for that.

My Further Bad

Now, to the further repentance on my part. In reviewing all of this and asking God to show me His view of it, I got caught once again as I have many times before. I was not wrong to react to what you did because it was sinful, but the way I addressed you about it was wrong. I should have sent you a PM. Why didn’t I do this? I have to confess that I actually did think about communicating with you privately, but I rather quickly dismissed this idea because of other thoughts I held--such as you wouldn’t respond with more of the same, or might you might just ignore me and dismiss me because you “knew better” or some such. I have witnessed what happens when someone tries to address behavior in the present which is classic LC elder behavior learned in the past. I didn’t want to go through that. I considered that if this happened, then I would end up in a unwanted complicated communication process. So, I quickly made the decision that the best way was just to respond publicly and have others weigh in on the matter. So, in essence I decided to disobey the Word and did.

Will you please forgive me for not addressing you privately about what you did to djohnson and giving you opportunity to respond? I'm also asking forgiveness of others who saw me do this.

I can’t tell you how many times I have failed to obey the Lord like this because I have preconceived thoughts about the person I need to talk to and about how they will respond or whether it would work out well. I don’t know if I will ever learn that this is not an excuse for disobedience. The other person’s response is theirs to have. My part is to communicate honestly in love without considering whether or not it will be effective. That is God’s problem. My problem is obedience, or it will become the need for repentance if I disobey. L

A Few More Things That I Need to Say

Please be assured that I am not on the “alert to put down Don because he was an elder.” Whenever I have questioned you about things in the past in posts it has been because the things in question were important. My questioning was not because of past offense. As I said, you have never done one thing to me to hurt me and I am not carrying any kind of past offense. I do not blame you for what Benson or Ray or others have done. They are accountable for their behavior. I have no desire to put you down because you were an elder. I will, however, speak up if I see behavior in the present that is the same as unbiblical leadership behavior in the past. Please know that I care about you very much and want the best for you. I pray for you often when I think of you.

In another post, you said that you thought my feelings about you might be moving towards a handshake instead of a shin kick, but that you didn’t think they had yet reached the level that you would get a hug if we met in person. I should have responded to that, but let it pass. Don, there was never a time you would have received a shin kick from me. You would have certainly received a handshake, and if you wanted a hug, you would have gotten one. I think I have complimented you a number of times in posts and I have said that I admired you for standing up as you did in the LC.

I desire only the best for you and John. I am certainly the better off for knowing you when we were in the church in Houston together. I am sorry that our fellowship was interupted due to past events, events that I was 98% in the dark about until you sent out a blanket letter sometime in the 1980s.

(That would be the early 90s.) I also desire the very best for you. I also am the better for having known you and Cheryl. I can cry thinking about how much I loved everyone and still do. Don, do you remember being in our home somewhere in the 90s? You came there with Doug Hendricks (or Hendrickson (?) ) and we all sat and fellowshipped a long time. Mostly Doug talked. I have also seen you at the T. Masseys in Dallas a few times. (Remember ... there were no shin kicks. J) There was no problem then, and I didn't have one in the present until the current situation.

We are all talking about really hard things on this forum. I love Jesus and I love the truth. I know that you do as well. I want to walk in the light with all my brothers and sisters in Christ. I don’t leave anyone out of that. I would even hug Benson if he would allow it. I do love him still and pray for him. I do not like what he has done, but that is as it should be. God’s family is God’s family. We are all His children.

It was because of this fact, that he is Our Father, that I sent you a PM two days ago. All of us in the LC fell in love with the idea of the “oneness” of all believers. We were tricked into believing that was definable in terms of church doctrine. I think the practical horizontal oneness God has in mind is much bigger and much more real than one which can be defined by a common church definition or practice. It’s one that comes from maintaining our relationship with God and one another in holiness. It’s one that always seeks to communicate unto reconciliation. When there is no problem between each of us and God and between us as brethren in the whole Body of Christ, that could be considered "practical" oneness. That is what shames and defeats the devil. That is what restores God’s presence among His children. I believe this happens at the grass-roots heart level, brother by brother. No one but God can orchestrate such oneness.

I sent you a PM two days ago because I do not want there to be a problem between us. I think that may be why you posted what you did.

I read one time that real reconciliation between parties means that they grapple with the root causes of the problem between them until it is removed and harmony is restored to its former state. It’s clear that Jesus grappled with the every problem between God and us on the cross and He removed them. Now we have His blood to cleanse us from every sin. We have the basis to communicate in the light (I Jn. 1:7) and get right with one another when there are problems. If we don't, we lose our fellowship not only with each other but with Him, and we lose His presence. We can’t stand before Him without having gone the distance he asks of us to keep oneness with one another.

So, in line with what I have written here, I plan to write you offline and dialogue further as soon as I can.

Your exposed and sorrowful, but repentant sister in Christ,
Jane