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John · 08-30-2008, 01:52 AM

BlessD and Process,

I am so thankful that you two continued to post both during and after the “fireworks” that occurred on this thread. You may have felt that your voices were almost drowned out. I am writing to let you know that I heard you and am praying for you. What your voices did were to put real people with real Local Church abuse in front of us.

BlessD, you mentioned that all of the doctrinal discussions don’t help much with the pain. As I have asked the Lord what I could share with you, I haven’t had anything specific until recently. So, here’s some practical help that you may have already tried: write letters to the ones who hurt you.

I did this when I was in my middle-age years. It did help a little. I had read a book that mentioned this, and it said that you didn’t even have to mail the letters. This gave me somewhat of a more secure feeling and helped me write freely. (By the way, I am not a professional in these matters; I’m just mentioning what I read and what I tried.)

I remember writing to my father. It took a long time to come up with the words, but I just put myself back in my memory and wrote. I tried to remember all the things that hurt me. It didn’t take too long because he abandoned my mother and me when I was around twelve. I just wrote the letter and put it away.

I also wrote to my mother who had died by then. I had always considered her as being loving and caring to me. I realized, however, that I did suffer some abuse from her because of a measure of neglect. I don’t really blame her for this as she was trying to cope with the mess my dad left behind and the fact that he ran off with another woman.

I also wrote to one of the Local Church elders who had abused me. I wrote many years after it had occurred, but I did my best to explain the situation and how it made me feel. His mistreatment had begun an ordeal that was extremely traumatic for me and my family and lasted for quite awhile.

These are the three letters that come to mind. At a later date, I mailed the two of them. The responses were not very good. At one point, I did get a one-sentence apology from my dad. From the elder, eventually I got a sermon.

I think that letter writing does help to get things out of you, but, if mailed, may not get the response you hope for. In other words, writing to the persons who hurt you may help you process through the pain, but the real situation may not change much. This should not dissuade you from trying, however. A letter that is mailed also brings the matter to the attention of the offender, which is proper.

One particular elder I went to see in person. His offense to me was done unconsciously. At a point in time, he had told me that he was my spiritual father. As I was working through some of my past Local Church mess, I realized that I should bring this up to him since I had realized that it was an offense to me. The reason that it was offensive is that he spent almost no time with me. I told him that he was no better than my earthly father. He apologized for having hurt me.

This elder still characterizes for me several former Local Church elders whom I have met since leaving the system. All of us quit meeting with the Living Stream Ministry Local Churches, but some still retain their former elder personas. These brothers, when they have come to our home meetings, try to take over, as if we assembled for the purpose of listening to them. They don’t seem to know how to be a brother among brothers and sisters. One was so egotistical that I could not wait for him to leave. This one even told his wife to “shut up” in our meeting! We were all dumbfounded. The next time he came to visit, one brother confronted him about it when he put down his wife again in front of us. In the end, he only made excuses for himself.

Let me add that a few former Local Church elders who have visited us were not like this. In my opinion, I think that most, though, have a hard time with our lack—lack of organization, lack of “elders,” lack of an order of worship, etc. We like it; and it seems to me that the Holy Spirit likes it too. Apparently, they don’t see a place that they can occupy among us that befits the way they see themselves. Several times, it has been difficult to have a meeting with an “elder” around.

Process, I experienced abusive elders in the Local Church, but you had to endure abuse from a Local Church elder at home. I am so sad for what you have had to endure. The Lord is our good shepherd who does restore our souls.

In closing, I’ll pass on a verse which has intrigued me of late: For freedom Christ frees us! Stand firm, then, and be not again enthralled with the yoke of slavery (Concordant Literal Version, Gal 5:1).

08-30-2008, 01:52 AM	#647
John Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Posts: 62	What About the Pain? BlessD and Process, I am so thankful that you two continued to post both during and after the “fireworks” that occurred on this thread. You may have felt that your voices were almost drowned out. I am writing to let you know that I heard you and am praying for you. What your voices did were to put real people with real Local Church abuse in front of us. BlessD, you mentioned that all of the doctrinal discussions don’t help much with the pain. As I have asked the Lord what I could share with you, I haven’t had anything specific until recently. So, here’s some practical help that you may have already tried: write letters to the ones who hurt you. I did this when I was in my middle-age years. It did help a little. I had read a book that mentioned this, and it said that you didn’t even have to mail the letters. This gave me somewhat of a more secure feeling and helped me write freely. (By the way, I am not a professional in these matters; I’m just mentioning what I read and what I tried.) I remember writing to my father. It took a long time to come up with the words, but I just put myself back in my memory and wrote. I tried to remember all the things that hurt me. It didn’t take too long because he abandoned my mother and me when I was around twelve. I just wrote the letter and put it away. I also wrote to my mother who had died by then. I had always considered her as being loving and caring to me. I realized, however, that I did suffer some abuse from her because of a measure of neglect. I don’t really blame her for this as she was trying to cope with the mess my dad left behind and the fact that he ran off with another woman. I also wrote to one of the Local Church elders who had abused me. I wrote many years after it had occurred, but I did my best to explain the situation and how it made me feel. His mistreatment had begun an ordeal that was extremely traumatic for me and my family and lasted for quite awhile. These are the three letters that come to mind. At a later date, I mailed the two of them. The responses were not very good. At one point, I did get a one-sentence apology from my dad. From the elder, eventually I got a sermon. I think that letter writing does help to get things out of you, but, if mailed, may not get the response you hope for. In other words, writing to the persons who hurt you may help you process through the pain, but the real situation may not change much. This should not dissuade you from trying, however. A letter that is mailed also brings the matter to the attention of the offender, which is proper. One particular elder I went to see in person. His offense to me was done unconsciously. At a point in time, he had told me that he was my spiritual father. As I was working through some of my past Local Church mess, I realized that I should bring this up to him since I had realized that it was an offense to me. The reason that it was offensive is that he spent almost no time with me. I told him that he was no better than my earthly father. He apologized for having hurt me. This elder still characterizes for me several former Local Church elders whom I have met since leaving the system. All of us quit meeting with the Living Stream Ministry Local Churches, but some still retain their former elder personas. These brothers, when they have come to our home meetings, try to take over, as if we assembled for the purpose of listening to them. They don’t seem to know how to be a brother among brothers and sisters. One was so egotistical that I could not wait for him to leave. This one even told his wife to “shut up” in our meeting! We were all dumbfounded. The next time he came to visit, one brother confronted him about it when he put down his wife again in front of us. In the end, he only made excuses for himself. Let me add that a few former Local Church elders who have visited us were not like this. In my opinion, I think that most, though, have a hard time with our lack—lack of organization, lack of “elders,” lack of an order of worship, etc. We like it; and it seems to me that the Holy Spirit likes it too. Apparently, they don’t see a place that they can occupy among us that befits the way they see themselves. Several times, it has been difficult to have a meeting with an “elder” around. Process, I experienced abusive elders in the Local Church, but you had to endure abuse from a Local Church elder at home. I am so sad for what you have had to endure. The Lord is our good shepherd who does restore our souls. In closing, I’ll pass on a verse which has intrigued me of late: For freedom Christ frees us! Stand firm, then, and be not again enthralled with the yoke of slavery (Concordant Literal Version, Gal 5:1).