Originally Posted by blessD
Like I said on earlier posts, this was only a tiny instance in a decade of overstepped boundaries by authority figures. Much worse consequences resulted from the elders involvement in who I chose to marry.
Candidate#1: The boy from the Dallas inquisition story and I wanted to marry someday, but he was branded as not "absolute". Remember, I mentioned his dad was not a meeting-goer. He was a healthy kid, played sports, and that just wasn't spiritual enough. I recognize now we had the "it" factor that few couples ever find. I thought he was perfect. I was advised our relationship was of the flesh. It died a slow death by intrusion, opinion, and other long-distance causes.
Candidate #2 - not in the church (he was the natural brother of a sister whose house I lived in at the time). Obviously, elders said no. That was ended in one day in one private meeting with the elders.
Candidate #3 - considered a "fringe" brother and the elders hadn't picked him out anyway so again, NO! To me this guy was like Prince Charming, and we had quite a bit in common. One elder threatened to chase the poor guy out of town, literally.
Candidate #4 - this was the elder’s choice. An elder approached me once, I said no - not enough in common. An elder's wife approached me again, I said no. I gave her college registration papers to give to him and say he can come talk to me after he gets his degree (he had a 10th grade education). Then, one more time, an elder's wife came and told me all the virtues of this brother. He was so given to the church, bla-bla-bla. By now I am thinking I must be fighting against God's choice so I said ok. We were married 5 weeks later. I knew his name, his age, that he had been married before and had a son, and had a 10th grade education. Our marriage was declared by yelling we were for Christ and the church.
Do you know of anyone in Dallas whose marriage was manipulated, arranged, controlled? This practice had devastating effects on lives everywhere. Did Dallas have a hands off policy of the leaders regarding personal choices like marriage partners. Were the young people allowed to date, make their own choices, and be engaged? I get the picture there was a leading elder in Dallas that took a more authoritative approach and could have been part orchestrator of my Dallas inquisition. Was there anyone that could and would balance him and stop him if he overstepped his boundaries of authority?
|