[Hope]

The following is from Matt

Hope,

Please see my previous post. It was responding to your original post to this thread that you also requoted and I was posting while you were posting.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hope
None of the blaming of the parents or of the environment in which the parents placed the child is of much profit. Remember there is an enemy.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hope
There is profit in seeking the Lord to learn from our short comings and to course correct but be careful not to be drawn into the devils game of accuse, accuse accuse.


I've been thinking about these two statements more closely. It is occurring to me that neither of them are Biblically accurate. Do you agree or are you still of the same mind? If you are still of the same mind, I would like to present a reasoned argument from the Word that entreat you on the substance of these two statements.

At the same time you were reposting original portions of this thread to draw the readers attention back to what you felt was the substance of this thread, I was also looking at your original posting. Let's focus on your original intent a little closer and especially these two statements that currently seem to be anti-biblical. I didn't catch the full impact of them the first time.

Matt


Dear Matt,

ANTI-BIBLICAL !!! WOW

It would have been better if you had not isolated the sentence. Here is the entire statement.

In my life both as a Christian and in my profession, I have interacted with many wonderful Christian parents who were literally heart broken regarding their child. They did a lot of introspection as to where they went wrong and what their mistakes were. They were in great pain and most of it was totally unnecessary. Almost always there were children who had turned out wonderfully. Yet, the parents could only consider that they were awful failures due to the one child who was having problems.

I have heard parents blame themselves for placing the child in public schools or in a religious school or because they did not do home school or for belonging to the wrong church or because they were too strict or too lenient etc.

None of the blaming of the parents or of the environment in which the parents placed the child is of much profit. Remember there is an enemy.

Of course parents should bring up their children in the principles of the scriptures. Eph 6:4, And, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger; but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. NASB

Please keep in mind that my experience over the last 22 years has included interactions with a wide range of believers as well as ordinary citizens who have opened to me for help. When a parent has an erring child, they are open to help from where ever it may come. I have never met a concerned parent who was not searching for where they went wrong. Almost always they beat themselves up unmercifully. I have spoken with a mother who was in great anguish and declared that they tried to do everything right. They followed “focus on the Family,” read all the right books etc. But what went wrong??? Do you really think it comforts the parents to then say “well let us focus on all the mistakes you made and determine how you destroyed the child you loved.” Sounds like a Pharisee of the first order. I believe it is critical to bring the parents to the Lord and to His comfort and encouragement. Then to help them stop the cursing of the child and of themselves. Often I go to prayer with the parents and first thank the Lord for the true genuine care and concern for the child that is in these parents. Then I pray that the child would become all that the Father has planned. Finally I believe it is very important to join in spiritual warfare and deal with God’s enemy regarding the child. We read verses regarding God’s goal for their family and His good plans for them and for the child. We speak of never giving up. Of how the good shepherd “went until he found the lost sheep.” There are many passages regarding the parent’s role in not only raising the child but in recovering the child. It is so important to get their eyes off of themselves and what terrible parents they are as well as getting their eyes off of how terrible and hopeless the child is.

I was hoping to trigger a discussion like this. I am sure that many of the posters have a wealth of real experience in helping parents and children and know of many helpful books. That list of terrible social problems listed by dj are rampant in our society at large and we as the Lord’s disciples need to be equipped and ready to serve these dear souls.

Regarding the second quote: The Holy Spirit always convicts very specifically and with the conviction comes light, supply, forgiveness and hope for the future. The devil’s accusation brings anger, vindictiveness, blaming, hopelessness. His accusation can be pretty much summed up with “you are wrong, wrong, wrong and you have always been wrong and you always will be wrong. The only thing you can do is just get out of the way and stop making a mess of things.”

But when the Spirit convicts and enlightens there is specific direction which gives hope and strength to act on the Spirit’s leading.

You mentioned the power of repenting to your children when you are wrong. I cannot tell you how many times I have apologized to my children. Many times I could not sleep until I made it right with the child I had offended. Poor little fellows were sometimes awakened from sleep so their father could tell them that he had been wrong and would they forgive him. This practice has been in my life and in my wife’s life since we married. First we regularly repented to each other and then to the children. When I had sinned against the kids my conscience would be killing me and I could find no peace until I humbled myself and made it right. Many times it was not an overt act on my part but a sin of omission. Perhaps I had neglected something that was important to them etc.

I can recall many talks with parents in Dallas regarding family and children. I can never remember declaring “put the church first and the family will be ok,” Or any such nonsense. Yes, I heard this said a few times or words like that from WL and from some in So. Cal. and repeated by some in Texas. Such an obviously erroneous statement should have been corrected out right. I know I corrected it in private conversations and may have said something contradictory in public. Before every marriage if possible I sought out the couple for a few times of one on one fellowship. Never did I tell them to take their marriage lightly or not to seek to love each other dearly. One of my favorite verses from the Old Testament for these sessions was Deut 24:5 "When a man takes a new wife, he shall not go out with the army, nor be charged with any duty; he shall be free at home one year and shall give happiness to his wife whom he has taken. NASB I would tell the young brother that he should not be running off to every conference and service group meeting but focus on his new wife.

George Whitington had a boat load of verses he used to counsel young couples and married couples. His home was always full of church members seeking advice and help for their practical day to day life and for their family life. He always had time for them and never turned anyone away. He was a true shepherd and has much reward laid up.

In Christ Jesus there is hope for us all,

Hope, Don Rutledge