Quote:
Originally Posted by Igzy
Once you see that you yourself have God-given value and purpose in yourself, ironically only then can you really be of value to others, because you can become vulnerable for their sake, because at your core you are quite confident.
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Amen from me.
Four supporting notions come to mind: First is that only when you have clear boundaries (this is who I am) can you be vulnerable and open, and still function according to God's specific purpose for you. If your only boundary, or core directive, is "whatever the group/leader wants", then you will get dragged hither and yon, blown about by every fresh "move of the Lord" and wind of teaching. You end up looking like the hole in a donut. There is nothing there. By contrast, someone who is "grounded" in "self" can allow themselves to be exposed to the "wind and rain" and still remain firm unto the end. If you try to "remain steadfast" to a group, a movement, a teaching, a philosophy, a ministry or a work, and try to make that a kind of "substitute self", you become like that "fixer" in a dysfunctional family who stretches and contorts themselves trying to balance and cover everyone else's sickness and distortion. You end up distorted yourself. You are no longer you.
Second, I remember the day that I was thinking about "Love your neighbor as yourself", and I realized that my self-loathing was not going to aid me in loving anyone else. If I don't love myself, how can I love someone else? Jesus said love them "as you love yourself". In order to reach out to "others", you have to have a firm base in "you". Until I (slooooowly, with many fits and starts) began to have some clear sense of "self", I really couldn't be "there" for anyone.
Third, it can be hard to guage one's progress in this journey (especially when you start out with really really really really low self-esteem), but I hazard that one's progress has some milestones, some markers. For me in the boundary-creation process, I found out that saying "no" was necessary for me to be truly able to say "yes". If I just say "yes" to whatever the group/leader/teaching/philosophy/move/organization is doing, then my yes is really meaningless. It has no value. It has to balance against a very real "no" or else it really means nothing at all.
Fourth, Jesus said (Matt 16:26), "And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul? Is anything worth more than your soul?" The value of your soul is incalculable. You can put the stock of Exxon/Mobil, Apple, Microsoft, and Walmart, on one side of the scale, and your soul on the other, and your soul will weigh more, in worth. Some may retort that in order to gain your soul you have to lose it: they will refer you to the preceding verses in Matthew 16 "Take up your cross and follow Me" and "Who wants to save his life (soul, self) will lose it, and who loses it for My sake will find it". So they stress "deny the soul". But again, I argue: if you don't have a clear sense of self, what are you going to deny? If you don't know who "you" is, what are you going to put on the cross?