Quote:
Originally Posted by alwayslearning
I agree it is complicated and nuanced and we should help them how to think not what to think. But by way of example here is what I mean by practical: my son was in a HS youth group that taught the kids they shouldn't masturbate because it was a sin. Later my son mentioned this to me and asked: if I shouldn't have premarital sex and I can't masturbate what am I suppose to do about my raging hormones? My answer: masturbate. And in further discussion at a later date I said: although I don't condone it and you should do everything you can to avoid it before marriage if you still find yourself in a moment of weakness with a girl make sure you use a condom to protect her health and your health and to avoid pregnancy. I don't know if that was the "Christian" response but that was my response and in retrospect I'm glad I gave it to him.
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These are the things they're neck deep in. And sometimes the best "practical" advice is the one that goes against their "indoctrination." That's kind of what I'm getting at. They REALLY DO INDOCTRINATE THEMSELVES AMOUNGST THEMSLEVES. So they have built-in guilt about these things. Honestly, I have no idea what I would have told your son. I don't know whether I would have done what you did - assuage his inner torment about a catch-22, or just left is up in the air for him to consider on his own and decide. There really is something to a parent (authority figure) giving a child license in an area where his/her culture has taught him there is no leeway.
I remember once in my junior year of high-school, a classmate called me and invited me to a party. It was a party I knew there would be drinking at. I didn't hang out much with secular high school friends at the time. I told him I could NOT could come. I got off the phone and went back to my dinner with family. When I told my parents who it was and what they wanted, the said "Why don't you go to the party?" This was SOOOOOOOO against my "CONCEPT" of what they wanted me to do. Not because they said so, but because of what impressionable kids internalize. Just surmizing (and I'll likely ask them this soon), perhaps they were looking at a self-righteous kid who needed to just be "friends" with the kids in his class. Given who I was at the time, they probably didn't fear me drinking and driving, so perhaps there was an element of , "This kid needs to loosen up and relate to his fellows..."
That interaction was liberating. Not because it allowed me to go to parties. But because is challenged the "shoulds" that I thought were inherent in the Christian faith.
That's what you did with your son. I not saying here or there whether you did the right thing (not for me to say). But the impulse is right.
Thanks for sharing.
Peter