Originally Posted by Thankful Jane
Dear ZNP,
Sorry for my lack of response to your last posts to me. My availability to post is very limited right now. First, let me say that I am sorry for offending you in my previous post. I was purposely short and somewhat blunt, hoping my meaning would be clear and not get lost in wordiness. I knew that in doing so, I was risking offending you, and I’m sorry that I did.
A professional communicator once told me that real communication takes place when one person says something and the other person understands the actual meaning the first person intended to convey. In my opinion that hasn’t been happening in our communications. This person also told me that the primary responsibility for clear communication rests with the one giving the communication. So, if there is failure to communicate, the giver needs to reassess the communication to discover why it failed and adjust it accordingly.
I have read one time through all your most recent responses to me. I see that on one hand we have made a little progress. (Thank you for your apology on one point.) On the other hand, I see you’ve introduced more statements that are troubling. Right now I am deciding whether I am going to bow out or pursue trying to communicate clearly with you by responding to your most recent posts to me. My schedule will be a factor in what I decide. If I am not able to find some time tomorrow, I won’t be available at all for a week or two.
The bottom line for me at this point is that I have found parts of your writing to me to be confusing and unclear. My train derails frequently as I try to follow your logic and understand your reason for, and your support for, your statements. I read something, then I say, “what?” and then I re-read it and re-read it and keep ending up back on confused street. I typically don’t have this problem with reading comprehension, so I find this to be frustrating--especially when I write one specific thing to you and explain that I am not responding to other things you wrote, and you come back with statements like “Wow, you really missed my point.” A nicer, and possibly more accurate response, would have been something like, “Wow, I see that I really didn’t communicate that well” or "I understand that you chose not to respond to my main point, but I would be interested in hearing what you have to say about it."
I found that some of what you wrote to me lacked foundation and seemed to be based on assumptions as if they were fact. (That’s the reason for the whole “in the loop” matter I presented to you.) Some of what you wrote came across as patronizing, and thereby offensive. (That’s probably the reason I was willing to risk offending you with my blunt response.) I am not saying you intended this, just telling you its effect on me. I also find that you may even respond to something I have written without keeping it in context. If I proceed, I will try to give you examples of things I’ve mentioned in this paragraph.
I do not enjoy difficult interactions with others and am having some regret about having engaged you at all. It would be nice if we could get through this to a good place, but that will take some work and possibly require more time than I have available. I'll have to wait and see.
Thankful Jane
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