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Originally Posted by lostsheep
My reason for celibacy is because I have same sex attraction to guys. I've had this attraction since I was 11. I'm extremely alone on this matter, and have yet to mention it to anyone, apart from an online stranger I've confided in. I don't think I could handle the rejection, being ostracised or the gossip by other saints if I open up to them.
At this stage I fear that I'll be alone when I'm older, and the reality that no one will look after me if I ever fall ill. My mother also expresses the same worries to me almost daily.
I was hoping someone could possibly give me guidance or some advice on how to navigate this? I worry that I'll eventually succumb to negative thoughts being alone, and result to self-harm since I've read cases about it happening to people in similar situations. But I'm also afraid of caving into expectations put up by my parents, and settling in a marriage where me and my wife won't truly happy. As for taking away the possibility of starting a family from someone, who wishes it.
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Hi brother,
Thank you for sharing. Sadly, places like LC have not been safe or helpful environments for people struggling with mental health issues or addictions. In my 25 years there, I never once heard an open or honest conversation about sex, masturbation, pornography, or same-sex attraction. These topics were treated as shameful and taboo, creating the false impression that no one in the church struggled with them.
I believe much suffering could have been avoided if there had been more transparency, empathy, and understanding. Please know you are not alone in this. Many others are walking through similar struggles, feeling isolated and hopeless in Local churches. It could be even in your locality but because of the LC shame-inducing culture and isolation, there is no way to truly connect with anyone and receive help.
I don’t know your full story, but I want to reassure you. There is hope, and there are effective resources in the Body of Christ that can help you find healing and freedom. However, these resources are not found within the Lord’s Recovery. You may need to look outside of that environment to find the help you need.
There are countless testimonies of people who have experienced transformation, finding freedom from same-sex attraction, experiencing healing, and even going on to build loving families with opposite sex. Here are some examples just after quick search on Internet:
While today’s culture promotes certain narratives as “settled science,” it’s important to dig deeper. The idea of a "gay gene" or that people are simply "born this way" doesn’t hold up under honest scrutiny. Many experts, even outside of Christian circles, acknowledge that same-sex attraction can be always traced back to unresolved childhood experiences, it may be sexual abuse, neglect, abandonment, a distant or absent father, or an overbearing mother. Cultural influences, pornography, and trauma all play a role.
Ultimately, same-sex attraction is about identity and shame. Somewhere along the way, a lie was planted, about who you are and what your worth is. That lie brought with it shame, confusion, and false guilt. True healing begins when you begin to see yourself the way God sees you, with love, compassion, and deep delight. He is not ashamed of you. He understands you better than anyone, and He is for you.
Real healing takes time. It’s not a quick fix. It involves reprogramming your mind with God’s truth and rejecting the enemy’s lies, false judgements and vows. It also requires healthy relationships. You weren’t meant to walk this path alone. Educate yourself with wise and balanced books, but also seek out experienced counselors, strong Christian mentors, and deep, healthy friendships especially with other godly men. Avoid pornography and masturbation, as these only reinforce false identity and deepen the cycle of shame.
You are still young. You have time. Be patient with yourself. Be kind and gracious to yourself. God’s truth brings freedom, but it often comes gradually. Walk this path step by step and know that you are not walking alone. Believe in God that he is in control and he can use your struggle eventually for his glory and to help others.
With love and hope,
TF777