Trusting-

Thank you for your kind words. I am doing my best to look after myself. I often feel guilt. If I am doing things I like, then the guilt comes in because that might be worldly. Or if I look at other Christian material, even Catholicism, then the guilt comes because then I have fallen to degraded Christianity. Or even if I follow and do what LC says, then the guilt is still there, because maybe I am not doing it enough, or I feel something is off and I shouldn't feel that way. If I am bored at the meetings because it is so repetitive and basically going through the same motions, having to share my enjoyment, even though I'm not enjoying it, then that's wrong to feel that way and the guilt comes in.

I'm not sure anymore. I guess I was supposed to become a normal Christian, but I have become even more abnormal.

I guess the main reason I posted before because I feel in bondage and I've lost what it means to be me, and I have actual concerns but find it hard to even bring it up, because I might be labelled a particular way. I feel a lot of fear leaving. I hear the stories about the Christians who left LC and bad things happen. Or if I leave, then I am forsaking the high truth or the ground. Or if I leave, then the people who looked after me, including while overseas, they would have done it in vain.

To be frank, I really tried my best to follow their teaching, join all the conferences and meetings and connect with the saints, but all it's left me in is in a state of depression, fear and guilt. Maybe I did something wrong...