Quote:
Originally Posted by Ohio
Somehow we saints had the impression that if the elders "endorsed" a relationship, then God's "blessing" would be upon the marriage. Whether the marriage was "arranged" or not then became difficult to discern. With the belief that His coming was soon, and that marriage was only a means to "transformation," it was compelling indeed to many dedicated young people to have such a "blessing" from the leaders. In those days we could not believe that divorce could ever occur in the LC. We believed that God's grace was sufficient for any problem we might encounter.
I remember, as a young single brother in Cleve-ville, watching from "a distance" a time when TC "fellowshipped" with a group of single saints who were "marriage ready," but had no particular "interest" in any other brother or sister. Apparently all the other saints knew that TC had "one of those talks" with the group of singles, so I somehow found out too. I watched those saints, and right away they were all "paired up" and setting marriage dates. Everyone was happy for them. Life is so good! I somehow thought this was "God's way" for marriage in the church. It was so contrary to "the world," that it must be "of God." And ... it saved the young people from all the dangers of promiscuity. "Everybody's a winner," as they say. Right?
Years later, I learned that at least two of those specific marriages had ended poorly, with strange news indeed reported about them. Things too strange to repeat. Theirs were not the only marriages that were to fail either.
I must admit that the early days had many strange concepts that fueled off the "no dating" command. There were also strong forces compelling young ones to marry "inside" the LC. Think of the O.T. curses on "mixed marriages." Due to all the marriage failures, some saints I know decided it was far better to marry "outsiders," and some of them even married unbelievers. Church increase, right? While I wouldn't recommend this, they had to find someone they really loved and "connected" with, trusting God to work out salvation at a later date. Thus the dangers of control and legalism -- many will do just the opposite.
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I gotta chime in on this one because it's such a big and kinda terrible issue in a lot of ways. Where the "elders giving the blessing on marriage" thing came into play I don't know....how or why, but obviously it's rife with problems. I know of at least three marriages that didn't work out (just in general, I don't think they were "arranged"), and I have a sibling who knows of two in particular that never got off the ground because the elders intervened based on their own opinion or "feeling" regarding the compatibility of the couple in question. One of those instances caused the sister to leave the LC forever because she was so heartbroken. Hard for me to think of a more horrible thing than for someone to step in like that and control the outcome of the rest of two young people's lives, based on what? I have no idea. How is this not like super similar to the Catholic church or the like? How would an elder have that much power and control over saint's lives? Yet it happened and was a large part of the LC culture for decades and decades. Just unconscionable
But I do think this fits right in perfectly with this entire thread on the damage of the control and culture that the LC fostered in its fear of the world etc. Divorce is pretty much 50% in the world. I would venture to say it's less in the LC, people have done studies on Christianity divorce and it's very high, similar to the world I think, but the point is it's not uncommon. But how much pressure is put on young people surrounding this issue?
I know growing up in the LC I wanted a wife at a young age. Probably around 21. I didn't realize that I needed to be a "gung ho brother" to get one. I needed to appear as if I was in the running for rank of elder and I needed to have a college degree and I needed to go the full time training as is the culture in the LC. Mostly I think this pressure is put on young people from their parents. Or I should say the parents of the would be bride. It's funny how loving and graceful saints are up until it comes to who their daughter marries. And then it's standards through the roof. The culture of marriage in the LC is very very sketchy to say the least. It kind of "just happens" sometimes too, like they go off to camp and all of a sudden someone's getting married in a few months. Probably because they fell into fornication and got pregnant or felt guilty like they would lose their millennial reward if they didn't consummate the sex with marriage. I've seen that happen. But this is one of those subjects that is really really something that is subtle and low key a big problem, mostly for the parents of the would be bride
Even with all of that culture and pressure you have elders coming in and giving their uninformed opinions on the "blessing" of the couple. Which is just highly weird and aside from the example of Isaac and Rebekah, I don't think it's biblical at all. Even Isaac and Rebekah wasn't quite done how it's done in the LC. But I see no precedent for it. It's just a unique random OT story that doesn't give us any indication that that's how it should be done in today's church. So aside from maybe like an older brother sort of playing matchmaker, which does happen, but is different than an elder giving a blessing, I don't see how it could be rationalized as normal or even God-ordained
btw all my experiences with this subject happened from 2005 and on. The ones my sibling encountered happened in the 90's. I'm not sure if they still give blessings or arrange marriages or not to this day. I really don't know, but I wouldn't be surprised if they did. I wouldn't be surprised if members still go to the elders and try to hook up a marriage or ask for a blessing on a marriage. Which is just so silly and wrong. If I was an elder I would absolutely turn someone away and say that is none of my business, nor is it anything I could possibly ever know what's right for the person. Which would be a normal rational response to such a silly scenario. If elders actually did that thinking they are giving God's blessing I can't even fathom how narcissistic that is. I've been to the elders and asked for healing and for them to lay hands on me and they joked around, balked, and just ended up not doing it thinking it was all a joke, laughing as they walked away. Yet the laying on of hands is quite literally right there in the Bible. But I see no such thing in the word when it comes to giving blessing for a marriage. It sounds like a mafia mobster thing or something. Just so so weird. The elders are supposed to be slaves of the saints, not overlords intervening and interposing themselves into saint's personal lives. How that culture got fostered I have no idea but it's bizarre to say the least