Anon-San

This took a while to answer all the questions in detail as I had to reflect closely with my experience growing up in the Local Churches. Here it goes (it's a long read):

(1) I felt out of place growing up. I initially thought it may have to do with my language delay; but as examined my family’s social circle, I realized how different and off they were compared with my secular peers. My family abruptly canceled Halloween when I was around 3rd grade and that was when I had to explain why I was not allowed to celebrate it. After that, my social interaction, self-esteem, and confidence went downhill because I could not keep up with their social trends and activities. I did have outside friends, but my family started to gatekeep who I could be friends with when I reached middle school. I turned down a playdate/sleepover with a former close friend in elementary school because it conflicted with my parents hosting their Friday night meeting at their house and my parents did not allow sleepovers. High school was rough because my schedule to hang out with potential friends outside of the classroom was consistently blocked by Friday/Saturday evening meetings and Sundays. My older brother, however, had greater flexibility in developing his secular social crowd. Whereas my parents infantilized me and brainwashed me in committing myself to follow dogma and expectations of the LC. From my brainwash, I had rejected 2 people who were interested in me even though I was socially behind and not up to date with pop culture. My mom did not like any of my peers in high school because they were not modest and pure enough for their daughter (me).

When I was brainwashed in the LC, I saw the secular world as inferior with dangerous place filled with temptations. Now when I think about it, I had those views because I yearned for my parents’ approval as I felt my developmental delay caused much stress and burden to my family. Sadly, my brainwashed self was the time I felt my mom was truly proud of me. Other than drawing, watching nature/history documentaries, and Runescape (played in secret), I became a shell of my personality in the secular world. It didn’t help that my family enabled bullying behavior/emotional & spiritual abuse from my mom and older brother (my dad was either at work or doing leading brother duties at the local church, so he was emotionally absent). Even though I always attended the LC meetings, I really hated prophesizing every week because I found the lessons obscure, indifferent, or simply parroting my peer’s enjoyment not wanting to look like a simpleton. I just didn’t really have much to comment on in some lessons. I also felt that if what Witness Lee said was the “highest truth” why do I need to add more emphasis to prevent distorting his interpretation; it was a waste of time to me having one small enjoyable point being dragged on for another 5 minutes minimum from each member. I was really bored and tired studying the morning revivals, young people’s (SST) reading materials, and outlines from the conferences. I only endured and tolerated them because I thought I had to remain faithful to the LCs. Aside from the redundancies in the meetings, the shepherding saints for the young people and adults were kind and happy to see me (except one- he bullied me and tattled on my parents to comply with the LCs teachings in establishing my character… he was not popular with the young brothers to say the least). They really cared how the young people were doing and understood that most of us lacked the full attention span to sit 2 hours straight per message. The sisters and I helped prepare food in the kitchen and other activities involving us to support our group meetings and the younger ones. For the most part, being part of my young people’s group was enjoyable though some saints have complained my non-compliance in “getting into Word enough.”

(2) I went to a local state college in a city 40 miles away from my hometown. As LC connection fashion goes, of course I was dragged by my family to the locality there to be introduced before the fall semester even started. Because I was socially sheltered, the fall semester was almost a disaster in trying to integrate into mainstream secular society. For the first 2 years in college my main social group were the members of the local church and Christians on Campus. I do admit the outings were fun, but as time went by, I was seeing more activities and attitudes become increasingly suspect. Although they have the same familiarity with the saints in my hometown, they more often attracted more radicalized new members (especially the brothers) and went above and beyond to love bomb everyone attending our meetings and only procure lessons that talked positively about the LC teachings. The heavier lessons (the more controversial writings published by Witness Lee) were only reserved for members already raised in the LC for the Friday night meetings (the CoC meetings were made separate from the traditional LC meeting schedule and structure). In other words, those who just solely attended the CoC were censored from the full picture of the LC legalism I grew up in. There were many factors that made me put my foot down to leave the LC and Christianity in general.

When I was brainwashed, I thought I would be going to the FTTA after college because, again, I thought it was necessary for me to be in the LC properly so that I can “gain the riches and achieve God’s reward to enter into His Kingdom.” Entering my 4th year in college, however, everything changed. I attended the College Training in Champaign, IL. The messages that concurred there have become more antagonistic towards other church denominations, social minorities, scientific academia, and secular pleasures in general. Messages that were once wholesome have become endless militaristic propaganda to “become overcomers” and “rejecting those who opposed Witness Lee’s teachings and the Word of God.” The last straw was when the video playing one of Witness Lee’s messages. It stopped working in the middle due to technical issues and were told to pray because “the work of Satan is here to prevent us enjoying His Word!” I woke up and instead saw intellectual suicide. I got up and retreated to my dorm for the night.

After summer break, I met my then-boyfriend, now husband. From the beginning of our relationship, he was clear that he has his own beliefs and will not convert otherwise. I accepted him and found my way to get out the LC system. My parents did not like him at first but eventually got over it for the most part. Post college events solidified my decision to leave the LC for good. I had to live with my parents as I could not live by myself and did not have enough money to afford rent. My mom did not like my close friend because he played for the other team and tried to lecture me on how it is wrong to be associated with him. Despite this, my friend and I have been best friends for 10 years strong. My dates with my then-boyfriend were restricted and could never stay over at his and his parents’ place with supervision overnight. However, such restrictions did not apply to my older brother as he traveled the states and overseas with his ex and current fiancé. My parents were adamantly against the idea of living in sin and berated this heavily to me when I was dating, but yet allowed my older brother and his fiancé moved in together at his newly built house. All their reasonings to restrict my autonomy were dictated by Witness Lee’s teachings and the social (sexist) expectations of the LC. They cared more about their reputation in the LC than my well-being- didn’t help that my dad was an elder prior moving to a different state for a job opportunity. When they relocated, I was made to live with my controlling grandma instead of moving in with my boyfriend’s family. In short, my grandma couldn’t tolerate my secular lifestyle, so I had to move out on short notice. My dad refused again to help me move to my boyfriend’s family house. I had no choice other than to call up my then-boyfriend to finally make my dad realize that I was not willing to compromise. In other words, I was extremely close to severing ties with my family that day. Had they decided the latter, my story would have become another testimony in how the LC’s and Witness Lee’s legalism breaks up families.

(3) The LC lifestyle for kids is quite alien to mainstream society and many church denominations. Fortunately, the LC/LSM not as extreme/harmful/dangerous in comparison to the FLDS, IBLP (association with the Duggar family), and other fundamentalist groups. Being raised as LC kid, however, shared similar parallels with those raised as Jehovah Witnesses, especially if raised with more old-school, conservative principles. From personal experience, I believe the number one reason why LC kids left is because they realized that the practices and attitudes of LCs and LSM are shaping my peers into THEIR copy/paste image. The church and LSM expects them to act, speak, behave, learn, and dress the same under the principle of “What would Witness Lee think and do XYZ if he was still alive to keep the LC gravy train going” (I don’t think it was Witness Lee’s intention to exploit his teachings initially, but I would not be surprised if the brothers who formerly worked directly under him had other plans after his passing). Bluntly speaking, the current LSM encourages their members to join their cult-like lifestyle to benefit their own interests of money and social power among the leading brothers running a non-profit religious institution. The former LC kids (Millennials and younger) I knew eventually left over time upon this realization after college. I met one of my church friends recently as our moms are close friends. We knew each other growing up. I did not need to ask her if she is still part of the LC because she has gotten tattoos, lives under the same roof as her boyfriend, and supports the LGBTQ+ community. Most just stopped attending the LC and lived their lives in relatively normal 8-5PM jobs. I cannot say much about my older brother, but his first girlfriend was relentlessly pushed by my parents to attend the LC meetings with him. Their 6-year relationship fell apart and would not be surprised if the LC pressure on her gave her second thoughts. As for me, I stopped going the Sunday meetings 5 years ago, stopped going to the home meetings right when the pandemic started, and have never returned to any LC functions since then. I am trying to live my normal life with my never-LC husband. However, my parents are still active, and my mom still tries to persuade me to come back to church and eventually convert my husband. I am also in therapy right now to navigate my trauma of being raised as a local church kid.

For those who stayed to raise the new LC generation, they learned how not to become their parents who once followed strict upbringing influenced by Witness Lee’s writings. My friend who lives in the neighboring town recently had her second child. Her children are raised with much love and patience, unlike what my parents have done with me. However, my friend and her husband both came from the FTTA which shaped their mannerisms as if they were still in it. The only thing I am concerned about is how they will navigate around the more controversial practices and ideas from Witness Lee as their children become older.

(3.5) As for the members reflecting on the Exodus of young people leaving the LC, I cannot say much about it. I did sense fellow members being judgmental towards young people leaving the LC prematurely if they were raised in a single parent home. They blame the lack of shepherding and secular smartphone usage responsible for the Exodus of young people leaving the LC, but with our busy lives and young people trying to figure out themselves it shouldn’t be a surprise. For me, I experienced more corruption, petty politicking, and lies presented by the LC/LSM than enjoying the church’s wholesome teachings.

(4) I am still learning to navigate my trauma. The saints in the locality can either grow or break your experience in the LC. It is unfortunate to see how the LCs have changed over time. I could have sworn that the LCs taught us to not delve into heavy politics because of how divisive it is. Yet, I have been seeing more saints becoming more radicalized/politicized to the point I could no longer associate with them anymore. The few bad apples in the higher administration power of the LCs changed the social climate. What was once a community of Christians brought together to support one another was spoiled by greed, power, and selfishness by people who think are better than other saints, including Witness Lee and Watchman Nee, into a cult-like environment and already caused schisms. Young people are tired of being lied to by their (leading) saints to be seen, heard, and feel equal as functioning members in the LC community; hence they leave the LC and never look back. To think that LC/LSM is free from faults & corruption is naïve and ignorant. A lot of the problems in the LC are overlooked or ignored because there is so much denial such as how much we venerate Witness Lee’s teachings/writings in LSM books than the actual Bible itself.