Quote:
Originally Posted by aron
As a church kid who grew up in Anaheim, you face the void if you look away from the LC. Your whole being was constructed, brick by muddy brick, around this entity... I saw pre-verbal children being coaxed to "call on the Lord", complete with fist pumps. So you are trying to unravel a lot. Take your time, be careful & thoughtful, go slow, stay safe. God will be with you every step. Many times you won't perceive it, but when all seems lost, help will arrive and you will continue the journey.
The danger of leaving LC blinders behind is that we instinctively and reflexively look for new blinders to put on. God will indeed put you on a narrow way, but assuredly it won't match your preconceptions of what that should look like. See how many times the disciples were "amazed beyond all measure." If your journey doesn't contain such astonishment as your concepts crumble and new worlds open, then I'd question it, asking why you're so resolutely comfortable.
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alwayscurious,
I hope this doesn't depress you, but I just want to provide a caveat to what aron said, just based on my and others' experiences as church kids who left the LC.
I totally agree with his description about leaving, and about taking time, going slow, staying safe, God will be with you every step, etc... I've seen lots of people who throw EVERYTHING away, live a life the opposite of everything they heard in the LC no matter what it was, and then go through a lot of grief as they circle back later to sort through the good and bad, which, if they had done so initially would have saved them from dealing with lots of additional problems and regrets. So I would say don't throw away everything, but instead, question and examine everything. And it's going to take a lot of time to do this, and it will be exhausting and it will seem never ending. But that way you can take things piece by piece and actually look at them and decide with as clear a head as possible what is good to keep versus what is rotten to discard.
I guess where I want to put in my caveat is on the "when all seems lost help will arrive" as well as say that, frankly, although it is true God will be with you every step, it very well might not feel like it at all. You might feel like He's abandoned you or doesn't see you or is busy with other things and has left you to flounder on your own. This doesn't mean He actually has, but it means you might go through some time, maybe even a long time, where you feel forgotten or forsaken, like David in Psalm 13.
I'm just saying that because for some reason, in the LC, due to the "testimonies" we always heard in the meetings, it was easy to get the impression that things always end up fixed, or God always brings a person just at the right time every time, or any number of those unrealistic situations. But that's not real life. Sometimes God working all things for good takes a long time, or it's a good, but a "hard good". I don't mean to be depressing, but I just want to make sure that you don't feel that familiar "something must be wrong with me" condemnation if you don't experience the "amazed beyond measure" or astonishment or world's opening stuff aron referenced. One "amazed beyond measure" reference is in Mark 7:37, but it's in response to Jesus making the deaf hear and the mute speak. But, our lives are not going to be marked by literal tangible miracles performed right in front of us like that. Sure, I was amazed at how utterly wrong and stupid Lee's teachings turned out to be, and I was amazed at the simplicity and light burden of the real gospel, but it's not like life-after-LC is one amazement beyond measure after another. On the contrary, it can feel a lot like "what on earth do I do now?" instead. The comprehensive nature of the LC means that without it, life might feel weird for quite a while.
And you might find yourself dealing with feelings of loss, grief, betrayal, anger, etc...all of which are reasonable and legitimate.
My point is, it's okay. If you feel any of this hard stuff, it's normal and common, and you can still get through it, and it doesn't mean that God actually has forsaken you. Just don't be discouraged, thinking the problem is you or that you should be doing better already. Hopefully you'll have a bearable time of it, but I felt like I needed to throw in another angle of experience so you know that plenty of church kids struggle after leaving, and it's very normal.
Since you are in college, make the effort to make and keep non-LC friends. Losing an entire group of human connections, even if they were fake and Lee-centered, is a big part of how hard it is to leave. After college, it's all the harder to make new friends, so take advantage of the year you have left to forge connections.
Keep posting on this forum if you need advice, feedback, encouragement, etc.
Trapped